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Band 4+: The topic is about the job employement of Australian people in different years.

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The image contains bar charts depicting employment percentages for Australian men and women in three age categories across years 1984, 2001, and 2014. For men: in 1984, ages 15-19 have ~60%, 35-44 have ~90%, and 60-64 have ~40%; in 2001, ages 15-19 have ~55%, 35-44 have ~95%, 60-64 have ~45%; in 2014, ages 15-19 have ~50%, 35-44 have ~95%, 60-64 have ~55%. For women: in 1984, ages 15-19 have ~60%, 35-44 have ~58%, 60-64 have ~10%; in 2001, ages 15-19 have ~55%, 35-44 have ~75%, 60-64 have ~20%; in 2014, ages 15-19 have ~55%, 35-44 have ~78%, 60-64 have ~45%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates percentage in comparing age group of men and women who was employed in three various years such as 1984, 2001 and in 2014

Overall, while the number of 35-44 was always on top with highest percentage of employment in men group. Also should notice that in men group 2 times 15-19 was second place but then they declined and 60-64 was second place. In women group was so same but 60-64 was double lower than men.

On the one hand mens group was get ahead of employed all three times. In 1984 35-44 ages was performed all age groups with 80% of employe. Untill 2001 15-19 was with 60% which was performed 60-64 ages. However in 2014 15-19 ages dramatically declined and gave away to 60-64 ages which was achieve 60%.

Moving to womens employed ages group a trend was so unusual with comparing with mens. Turning first to in 1984 its how 35-44 ages group showed gradually increase in employe from 59% to the top of trend with result 80% in 2001. The remaining two groups one of the noticeable was 60-64 age group which was the lowest and showes gradually increase from 10% to 40%.Despite the growth this group stayed the lowest. 15-19 age groups one of the most which was showed stability in 1984 was 60% and to 2001 stayed same.

In conclusion, while men showed highest percentage, women showed gradually increase and stability.

Word Count: 241

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A1 - Beginner
Aim to use more advanced language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

group: 9

60-64: 5

15-19: 4

which: 4

showed: 4

percentage: 3

women: 3

employed: 3

35-44: 3

groups: 3

gradually: 3

increase: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides an overview, but contains several inaccuracies and awkward expressions that affect clarity. For example, the percentages cited for men (80% and 60%) do not match the data, and the description of trends is sometimes confusing. To improve, ensure accurate data is reported, use clearer and more precise language (e.g., 'the proportion of employed men aged 35-44 remained around 90-95%'), and organize the information logically with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Also, proofread for grammatical errors and word choice (e.g., 'mens' -> 'men's', 'womens' -> 'women's').

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has an overall structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs, but the flow is often disrupted by unclear referencing and abrupt shifts. For example, the overview is confusing and the progression of ideas in the body paragraphs is not always logical. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'On the one hand' is used without a corresponding 'on the other hand'). Paragraphing is attempted but not consistently managed. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a range of linking words and referencing (e.g., 'this group', 'these figures') to connect sentences and ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent inaccuracies that sometimes obscure meaning. For example, phrases like 'was get ahead of employed' and 'performed all age groups' are unclear, and 'employe' is used incorrectly. There is some attempt to use varied language (e.g., 'dramatically declined', 'gradually increase'), but the range is not sufficient for a higher band. To improve, use a wider variety of precise vocabulary related to trends (e.g., 'peaked', 'dropped', 'remained stable') and ensure word forms are correct (e.g., 'employment' instead of 'employe'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors that significantly affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('who was employed'), tense consistency, and sentence structure (e.g., 'Turning first to in 1984 its how 35-44 ages group showed gradually increase in employe'). Punctuation is also often incorrect or missing. While some complex structures are attempted, they are not always accurate. To improve, focus on using correct verb tenses for describing data (e.g., past simple for specific years), ensuring subject-verb agreement, and constructing clear, grammatically correct sentences. Proofreading and practicing writing simple, accurate sentences can help build a stronger grammatical foundation.

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