Pie Chart

Band 5+: The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for the retail sectors in Australia in 2013 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for the retail sectors in Australia in 2013 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image displays two pie charts comparing online sales for retail sectors in Australia between 2013 and 2018. In 2013: Electronics & Appliances (35%), Food & Beverage (22%), Home Furnishings (25%), Video Games (18%). In 2018: Electronics & Appliances (30%), Food & Beverage (32%), Home Furnishings (23%), Video Games (15%).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given table illustrates data about the percentage of schoolchildren studying at four secondary school types from 2000 to 2009.

Overall, the proportion of pupil in Specialist, Grammar, Voluntary-controlled schools fell markedly, whereas the percentage attending Community School rose considerably over the two-year period.

In 2000, 12 percentage of pupils studied in Specialist School, but proportion fell slightly to two percentage in 2009, a decrease of 10% points. By contrast, the Community School experienced a considerable rise in the proportion of pupils over the two-year period, increasing by fifity eight percentage point.

As regards the Grammar School, the proportion of pupils also declined gradually in 2009, dropped from 24% to 12%. Subsequently, the Voluntary-controlled School saw the first largest decline in pupils proportion over the two-year period, decreasing by twenty percentage point

Word Count: 132

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percentage: 6

school: 6

proportion: 5

pupils: 4

two-year: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies and inconsistencies, particularly regarding the data and time frame. The description of changes in school attendance lacks precision and clarity. To improve, ensure accurate data representation, use precise language to describe trends, and maintain consistency in tense and time references. Also, proofread carefully to eliminate grammatical errors. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The overall structure is present, but the transitions between sentences and ideas are not always smooth. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the overall readability. For example, using transition words like 'similarly,' 'in contrast,' or 'furthermore' can help to clarify the relationships between different data points. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear aspect of the data to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. While words like 'considerable' and 'gradually' are used, incorporating a wider range of synonyms and more specific terms could enhance the description. For instance, instead of 'fell markedly,' you could use 'decreased significantly' or 'declined sharply.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary is used accurately in context to avoid any ambiguity.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Errors such as '12 percentage of pupils studied' and 'fifity eight percentage point' need correction. Focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and accurate spelling. While a range of sentence structures is attempted, accuracy needs to be improved to ensure the message is conveyed clearly. Proofreading carefully and focusing on basic grammar rules can help to reduce these errors.

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