Letter

Band 5+: You are applying for a scholarship offered by a local business that supports students in your field. Write a letter to the scholarship committee. Include details about: your background; why you need the scholarship and how it will help you; your goals and how the scholarship will contribute to your future.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the scholarship program at your college local community advertised on the official universty website.

Firstly, I would like to show my interest in the field of business adminstration since I am a fresh graduate of commerce.

secondly, this is closely related to my studies at university as it is the same of my major, so I amsure I would be a good fit candidate to it.

The main reason I need to take this scholar is that it would boost my career so that I would be able, later on, to apply for my dream job which is an accountant in CIB Bank.

I would appreciate it if you could guide me how to apply on the website and what next steps should be taken in order to apply.

thanks in advance. your prompt response is greatly appreciated

yours faithfuly,

Ahmed

Word Count: 151

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 5

apply: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the task by stating the scholarship being applied for, explaining suitability, and describing benefits. However, it contains several errors in spelling and grammar (e.g., 'universty', 'adminstration', 'amsure', 'yours faithfuly') and some awkward phrasing. The response is somewhat brief and lacks specific details about the scholarship program or the applicant's qualifications. To improve, focus on proofreading for accuracy, providing more concrete reasons for suitability, and elaborating on how the scholarship would benefit your studies. Additionally, the closing should be more formal and complete.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, and the main ideas are understandable. However, there are some lapses in coherence and cohesion. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs is abrupt, and the use of 'secondly' is not fully developed. Additionally, the request for guidance on how to apply seems slightly out of place in a scholarship application letter. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas. Consider reordering the content to flow more logically, such as explaining suitability before expressing need.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, with some appropriate terms like 'scholarship program', 'business administration', and 'accountant'. However, there are several spelling errors ('universty', 'adminstration', 'amsure', 'scholar', 'faithfuly') and awkward phrasing ('the same of my major', 'good fit candidate to it'). These errors reduce the overall clarity and sophistication. To improve, proofread carefully to correct spelling and use more precise and natural expressions. Expand your range of vocabulary to include more formal and varied language suitable for a scholarship application.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains a number of grammatical errors that affect readability. These include incorrect verb forms ('I amsure'), missing articles ('the scholarship program at your college local community'), incorrect prepositions ('apply on the website'), and punctuation issues (missing capital letters after periods, missing comma after 'thanks in advance'). Sentence structures are mostly simple and repetitive. To improve, focus on basic grammar accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Practice constructing more complex sentences and proofread your work to eliminate errors.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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