Letter

Band 6+: You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club. In your letter • introduce yourself • say why you are interested in this sports club • ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities, members, costs

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Dear Mr. Andrews,

I trust this letter finds you well. I am writing to request some information about the sport club at your Golden Gym, located in Toronto City. I am hopeful that the outcome of our exchange will be a positive one on both sides.

To debrief you on the situation, I would like to start by mentioning that my name is Diana Packs, a local resident who recently moved to Toronto.

Further, I also would like to point out the fact that I am very interested in joining your Tennis club because I was a professional Tennis player in my country.

Finally, I would like to conclude by requesting some information about the facilities available in your club. I also wanted to know the types of memberships that are on offer and whether monthly payments are accepted.

Thank you once more for the time you have dedicated to read my letter and I would be really grateful if my request is taken into consideration.

Regards,

Word Count: 167

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter covers all the required points: you introduce yourself, explain your interest in the club, and ask relevant questions about facilities, membership, and costs. The tone is polite and appropriate. However, there are a few lapses: the salutation 'Dear Mr. Andrews' does not match the given opening 'Dear Sir or Madam', and the letter is somewhat overly formal and wordy, which can obscure clarity. To improve, use the exact opening provided, streamline your sentences for directness, and ensure each paragraph has a clear, single purpose. Additionally, avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., 'I would like to') and make your questions more specific to demonstrate full engagement with the task.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is logically organized with clear paragraphs for introduction, personal background, and questions. However, the use of overly formal and verbose phrases (e.g., 'To debrief you on the situation', 'Finally, I would like to conclude by requesting') makes the message less direct and slightly impedes flow. Cohesive devices are used but sometimes draw attention due to their formality. Consider using more natural transitions and a more straightforward structure to enhance readability.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally appropriate and shows some range (e.g., 'hopeful', 'exchange', 'facilities', 'memberships'). However, there are instances of awkward or overly formal word choices (e.g., 'debrief you on the situation', 'point out the fact') that reduce naturalness. Also, 'sport club' should be 'sports club' and 'Tennis' should not be capitalized unless it is a proper noun. To improve, use more precise and natural collocations, and avoid redundancy.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several errors and awkward phrasings that affect accuracy and clarity. For example, 'the sport club' should be 'the sports club', 'I also would like' should be 'I would also like', and 'the time you have dedicated to read my letter' should be 'the time you have dedicated to reading my letter'. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the overall control is not fully consistent. To improve, proofread for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition choices.

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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