Letter

Band 7+: You have recently purchased a toy from an online shop, but the delivered is faulty. Writer a letter to the owner of the shop. In your letter - describe the toy - give details of the problem - tell the o wner what you want him/her to do

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with my recent purchased I made from your website.

Last week, I ordered a Barbie dollhouse set for my five-year-old daughter. The package arrived earlier than expected, which initially made my daughter very happy.

However, when we opened the package, we disappointed to find out that the dollhouse was broken into two parts, and one of the Barbie doll’s legs had come off and could not be reattached. The package was wrapped only with plastic, rather than covered with any sturdy or protective box. I believe the damage was caused by poor packaging during transit.

Since the toy is now unusable anymore, I kindly request that you either replace the item with a brand new one or provide a full refund if a replacement is not possible, as the item was quite expensive. For your reference, I have attached photos of the damage items.

Thank you for your attention to this matter and I look forward to your prompt response.

Yours faithfully,

Mai Thet Kay Zin Aye

Word Count: 176

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

package: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter appropriately addresses all requirements of the task, providing a clear description of the toy, details of the problem, and a specific request for resolution. The content is relevant and sufficiently detailed. To further enhance the response, consider adding more specific details about the toy model or order number to facilitate easier processing of the complaint. Also, while the tone is generally appropriate, adding a touch of politeness when stating the desired action could make the request even more effective.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is well-organized and easy to follow. The paragraphing is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to a smooth flow of information. To further enhance coherence, consider adding more specific transition words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader more explicitly through your reasoning.

Lexical Resource

The letter demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. Terms like 'dissatisfaction,' 'Barbie dollhouse set,' 'unusable,' and 'full refund' are well-chosen. To elevate the lexical resource, try incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary related to product quality and customer service. For example, instead of 'broken into two parts,' you could use 'severely damaged' or 'fractured.' Instead of 'poor packaging,' consider 'inadequate packaging.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter demonstrates a strong command of grammar with only minor errors. The sentence structures are varied and generally accurate. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage. For example, 'my recent purchased I made' could be improved to 'my recent purchase.' Overall, the grammatical accuracy is high, contributing to the clarity and effectiveness of the letter.

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