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Letter

Band 5+: You want to join a local sports club to improve your fitness and meet new people. Write a letter to the club secretary. You should include: - why you want to join the club - what sports you are interested in - any relevant experience you have

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

I hope you’re having a great week. I’m writing to inquire about the sport club, as I am very much interested in joining your classes.

Lets begin with my short introduction, so i hope it will be much easier to you to choose right class for me. Im seventeen years old high school student before now i have never tried any sports in my entire life. Because my parents always demand me to be a doctor, so i have focused on this. You may ask me, so why am i became interested in sports. Thats very tough but before im becoming doctor i might be the one who always needs the doctor. My body is weak as feather. So i want to become stronger and reach my goals. Which sport clubs would you like to offer for me, i have heard there are such a many clubs including basketball, hokey, football and etc. You know im just a student im short on a budget, so if you could give me more information about the cost of membership also maybe give me some discount i will be very glad with that. Also i heard your club is open for 24 ish, if thats true i will be there for everysecond.

Thanks for taking time and hope you enjoy your day.

Word Count: 219

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Overall Band Score

5
(+/- 0.5)
Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.
Grammar Mistakes: N/A
Vocabulary Repetition:
doctor: 3
Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

6
The letter addresses the task by asking about sports activities, membership costs, and opening hours. However, it includes irrelevant personal information about the writer's background and aspirations, which detracts from the focus. To improve, concentrate on directly addressing the questions posed in the task prompt without adding unnecessary details.

Coherence & Cohesion

5
The letter's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas is disrupted by tangents and abrupt shifts in focus. The introduction includes an unnecessary personal introduction that detracts from the main purpose. Improve coherence by clearly stating your purpose at the beginning, organizing your questions logically, and using transitional phrases to connect ideas. Focus on maintaining a consistent tone and avoiding irrelevant details to improve the overall flow.

Lexical Resource

5
The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate ('short on a budget'). There is a lack of precise language to effectively convey the writer's needs and interests. Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more specific terms related to sports, membership costs, and club facilities. Pay attention to using the correct prepositions and collocations to improve accuracy. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

3
The letter contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('im becoming doctor'), subject-verb agreement issues ('my body is weak as feather'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede understanding. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules, including verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors before submitting your writing.

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