Letter

Band 6+: You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter. Describe the problem with the equipment Explain how this problem is affecting your work Say what you want the shop or company to do

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction of a refurbished Laptop I ordered online on Saturday, 26th March via your websites, Back Market.

Unfortunately, on my first attempt to use the laptop, I noticed the screen had a crack at the centre which is directly on the camera additionally the power on is broken which has affected the laptop from working properly as suppose. Furthermore the charger that was sent has its wiring exposed making it unsafe for me to use.

I work daily from home using my laptop and this hardware failure has disrupted my productivity for the week. The is particularly stressful because I have a strict deadline to submit a major proposal today by 17:00pm which can make me lose this contract and can cause my company from securing a chance to getting this multi-national deal.

I would appreciate and be grateful if I can get a replacement sent to me immediately

I look forward in receiving a positive response from you as this is urgent.

Yours faithfully,

Chiamaka Ejimofor

Word Count: 177

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

laptop: 4

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter appropriately covers all requirements of the task, providing sufficient detail about the problem, its impact, and the desired resolution. The explanation of how the broken laptop affects the writer's work is clear and relevant. A minor improvement could be made by elaborating slightly more on the specific type of replacement desired (e.g., a new or another refurbished model) to ensure complete clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally coherent, but some sentences could be restructured for better flow. For example, the transition between the description of the laptop's issues and the impact on your work could be smoother. Consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more explicitly. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and varied language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'broken,' try synonyms like 'malfunctioning' or 'defective.' Expanding your range of vocabulary will enhance the impact of your letter.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect the clarity of your message. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and proper article usage (e.g., 'the' vs. 'a'). Proofreading carefully before submitting will help catch these errors. For example, 'The is particularly stressful' should be 'This is particularly stressful,' and 'can cause my company from securing' should be 'can prevent my company from securing.'

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Coherence & Cohesion

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