Letter

Band 5+: Your local hospital has advertisedfor people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital,You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. write a letter to the hospital.In your letter - explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital. - say what type of unpaid work you would able to do. - give details when you would be available for this work

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Dear sir or madam,

I am writing to you because of your hospitals advertisement I have seen today on the bulletin board as a city center. After reading the context of your advertisement, I considered that I would like to do the unpaid job you offer there.

First of all, I would better to explain why am I interested in doing this kind of job. I am a nurse student from the local university, studying second year. Recently, the head of our university has announced that all nurse students have to find an internship by themselves for the time of the reconstruction of the Block, where students who study for the same degree as I do had a practical lectures. So this is the reason number one. The second reason is my desire in volunteering. I have been always dreaming to help people who need it.

I understand this vacancy can be competitive now due to the circumstances in our university but nonetheless I can offer myself as the best candidate. I would be able to do almost any nurse job you would offer. I can handle without any problem with injections, measuring humans basic indicators like heartbeat, level of oxygen in the blood, pressure, ECG, with taking a material for examination and of course monitoring the state of the patients. The only one thing I cannot do it’s working with mentally sick persons, but I’m working to solve this issue.

Thank you so much for devoting your time and reading my email. Please let me know, if I am appropriate person for you. In the case I am we can negotiate about work time, but I’m available basically on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays after 5 pm.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Kind regards

Matilda.

Word Count: 296

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 4

offer: 3

nurse: 3

university: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter appropriately addresses all parts of the task, providing a clear explanation for wanting to volunteer, detailing suitable work, and specifying availability. The reasons for wanting to volunteer are well-explained. The range of nursing tasks the writer can perform is comprehensive. Availability is clearly stated. To improve, ensure the letter maintains a consistently formal tone throughout. While generally well-written, some sentences could be more concise and grammatically precise.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally organized, but the flow could be improved. The introduction clearly states the purpose, and the body paragraphs address the task's requirements. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from explaining the internship requirement to expressing a desire for volunteering feels somewhat abrupt. Consider using transitional phrases to connect these ideas more logically. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point to enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. While the letter conveys the intended meaning, some word choices are not the most natural or sophisticated. For instance, instead of 'doing this kind of job,' you could use 'pursuing this opportunity' or 'undertaking this role.' Similarly, phrases like 'measuring humans basic indicators' could be refined to 'measuring patients' vital signs.' Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on more precise language will enhance the overall impact of your writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, and there are issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. For example, 'I would better to explain why am I interested' should be 'I would like to explain why I am interested.' Similarly, 'students who study for the same degree as I do had a practical lectures' should be 'students who study for the same degree as I do have practical lectures.' Pay close attention to sentence structure and grammar rules to improve accuracy. Proofreading carefully before submitting your writing can help catch these errors.

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