Opinion

Band 4+: After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. Do you agree or disagree?

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Choosing a future job or career after university is a controversial issue today. While some argue that people should choose a job with best salary , I strongly believe that people should listen their hear before choosing their future career . This essay will explain why I support this perspective.

The primary reason for my opinion is physical condition of employers . Most of jobs with great salllary are sedentary For example , director of a big company.All theirs work day they sitting down on the computer .This shows that they don’t have enough time to do any move and exercises during their day .As for me, I’m doing gymnastics.Career and Money are outweighed by sport and health .

Another key argument is expression of individual .In many countries , people have non-standard point of view of world.This demonstrated that they can’t work in ordinary offices .For example ,they want to improve themselves from art .Critics may claim that they can’t earn money from theirs works, but they don’t care about it.Their choose love their facilities more than money.

In conclusion, I firmly agree that people should listen to heir heart because of their specific mind and health.Althought they can’t live without any money,the benefits of lovely job are far more significant for individual personalities.

Word Count: 215

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

people: 4

should: 3

can't: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant but could benefit from more precise and developed support. To improve, focus on providing more concrete examples and elaborating on the reasoning behind your arguments. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary choices to enhance clarity. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs is often disjointed, and the connections between sentences are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument effortlessly. Paragraphing could be improved to better group related ideas. For example, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of 'expression of individual' but the connection to the main argument isn't immediately obvious. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas both within and between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences relate directly to that topic. Consider using a more structured approach to paragraph development, such as the 'point, evidence, explanation' method.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. There is some repetition of words and phrases, which affects the overall quality of the writing. The essay does not demonstrate a sophisticated control of lexical features. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using a wider range of words and phrases to express your ideas. Pay attention to the nuances of meaning and usage, and try to use more precise and appropriate vocabulary. Consider using a thesaurus to find synonyms for overused words, but be sure to check the meaning and usage of any new words before using them in your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors significantly affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. The range of grammatical structures used is limited, and there is a lack of complex sentence structures. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing and practicing basic grammar rules. Pay attention to common errors and work on correcting them. Try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures into your writing, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Proofread your work carefully to identify and correct any errors.

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