Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

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All bachelor programs should have courses that including extra-cirrucular activities such as internship, part-time or full time job programs or an opportunity to study abroad.In my opinion,the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly,Undergraduate courses do not prepare students to stressfull work environment.Most of the new graduates have difficulties when they enter the job market.Finding a job for the first time can be extremely hard for them if they had no experience.For exemple, the senior student working as an intern would be able to continue at this company as a Management Trainee or full time worker.This kind of professional experience helps them to overcome the difficulties due to limited job, and they will be ready for working full time.

Secondly, Studying abroad can be the only chance to travel without any time limitation and it would let them think outside their box and it would push their boundries to meet and communicate with others.Moreover, this period of time will help them to build their personal skills throughout the challenge of being totaly alone and new to a country and culture.The other point to considerate is the chance to stay there after Erasmus.For instance,most of the Erasmus student want to stay and to pursue their degrees at the city where they did their Erasmus.Going to abroad for studying can create new opportunities to the students, can give them chance to travel and to learn other cultures.

With regards to the drawbacks, some working students may not balancing their school and working lives and having difficulties as missing classes, getting lower grades or failing their exams.Studying abroad has some disadvantages also especiallu for pyschologically vulnarable students.They may not overcome the loneliness at the beginning of their studying term and may fall into a depression.

In conclusion, there is a probability of some student can struggle from making this kind of activities through their studiesuniversities, neverthless universities should add this kind of programs to their academic programs to contribute their student’s social and techinal skills to prepare them to the real world.

Word Count: 337

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 11

programs: 4

working: 4

students: 3

difficulties: 3

student: 3

would: 3

studying: 3

abroad: 3

chance: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The ideas are relevant, covering both professional preparation and personal growth, while also acknowledging potential drawbacks like academic imbalance and mental health struggles. To improve, focus on the depth of idea development; for example, when discussing the disadvantages, you could more explicitly link them back to why the advantages still remain superior. Additionally, work on grammatical precision and spelling (e.g., 'extra-cirrucular', 'exemple', 'totaly', 'pyschologically', 'vulnarable') to ensure that minor errors do not distract the reader from your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (linking words) more naturally. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument without causing confusion.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but there are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'extra-cirrucular', 'exemple', 'totaly', 'especiallu', 'pyschologically', 'vulnarable') and some imprecise word choices (e.g., 'think outside their box', 'struggle from making this kind of activities'). To reach a higher band, aim for greater precision in word choice and ensure that spelling is accurate, as frequent errors can distract the reader and impede meaning. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are significant grammatical issues throughout the text, including errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and preposition usage (e.g., 'courses that including', 'some working students may not balancing', 'Going to abroad'). Many sentences are either fragmented or contain errors that require the reader to pause and re-read to understand the intent. I recommend practicing complex sentence structures and focusing on the correct use of gerunds and infinitives to improve clarity and flow.

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