Positive And Negative

Band 4+: An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgery for changing their appearance. What can be the reasons for this? Do you think it's a positive or negative development?

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An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgery for changing their appearance. I think this is a negative development because it increases the chances of one getting longterm medical complications and doing the procedure is expensive .

This procedures widely know as BBL not only has adverse longterm effects to the body but it also makes one’s immune system so weak .This operations involves the removal of fat tissues from one location of the body to the other .When it is removed ,glands that is responsible for the normal functioning of the body immune system is damaged hence making one prone to infections and lifetime complications .For example 90% of people who performs surgeries to enhance their look are reported to have cancer after few years of surgeries which makes it hard to cure.

Secondly , it cost alot of money to do the operations hence many people will prefer to go to doctors who promise to deliver the same services with a cheaper price. Futhermore , they will end up getting more diseases due to poor sterility during the procedures .Last year a large number of young women died after a cosmetic surgeries due to poor management by the medical personnels during and after the procedure.

In conclusion an increasing number of people choosing cosmetic surgery by changing their appearance is a negative development because of its cost and its longterm complications.

Word Count: 234

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

number: 3

cosmetic: 3

their: 3

longterm: 3

complications: 3

surgeries: 3

after: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for the increase in cosmetic surgery and stating a position. However, the development of the ideas is not always clear, and the support for the arguments is limited. The examples provided are not sufficiently developed and lack specific details. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and evidence to support your claims. Also, ensure that your arguments are clearly linked to the prompt and that your position is consistently maintained throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is basic, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the ideas within each paragraph are not always logically connected, and the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking words to guide the reader through the argument. For example, you could use phrases like 'In addition to this' or 'Furthermore' to connect ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and repetitive, which affects the clarity and sophistication of the writing. There are also instances of incorrect word usage ('This procedures widely know as BBL'). To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic of cosmetic surgery and its effects. Consider using synonyms and more precise language to express your ideas. For example, instead of 'makes one's immune system so weak,' you could say 'compromises the immune system.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. These errors significantly impede understanding. For example, 'This procedures widely know as BBL' is grammatically incorrect. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Proofread carefully for errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Consider seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors.

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