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Band 5+: Children in the rural areas are being left behind in their academic development. Why is this is the case? What solutions can you suggest?

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In recent years, the problem of education in rural areas is becoming common all around the world.

The essay will discuss some causes of the problem and propose several possible solutions.

The main root of the situation is often just an underfunding of the villages. In most cases it leads to badly equipped schools or not spacious enough ones. Although, it is really rare, sometimes there are not education system in rural areas at all due to the same reason. As a result, children without any knowledge mature with no opportunities in life. Which

There are some ways to solve this problem and make the underdevelopment disappear. Firstly, it is just about to provide more funding for rural areas. However, it is not always the best solution because of the corruption. Second way is to encourage parents to give their children home education for some rewards. In my opinion it is the best possible solution as everyone wins: parents get some perks, children are educated and government develops it is own population. As an example, parents might be freed of the income tax if their children passed the state exam.

In conclusion, the main problem of underdevelopment of the education system in the countryside is about underfunding. However, this problem can be solved by encouraging parents to educate their children.

Word Count: 220

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

problem: 5

children: 5

education: 4

parents: 4

rural: 3

areas: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential solutions. Consider addressing the causes and solutions in separate, well-defined paragraphs for better organization. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and organizes ideas into paragraphs. However, the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, affecting the flow of the essay. For example, the transition from discussing under-equipped schools to the absence of education systems needs a clearer link. The essay could benefit from more explicit signposting to guide the reader through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are not precise or natural (e.g., "not spacious enough ones," "mature with no opportunities"). There are also instances of informal language (e.g., "perks") that could be replaced with more academic alternatives. To improve, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary related to education and development. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and sometimes impede understanding. Common errors include incorrect article usage (e.g., "the education in rural areas"), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. For example, "government develops it is own population" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. To improve, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and proofreading carefully for errors.

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