Opinion

Band 5+: In many countries, there is a growing trend of people moving from rural areas to large cities in search of better opportunities. This rural-urban migration is causing several problems for both the cities and the countryside. What are the primary issues arising from this migration, and what steps can governments and communities take to mitigate these negative effects?

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Nowadays people are moving away from rural areas.Who live in the village they are moving to city.In my opinion,is it both bad and good.

On the one hand,people want to move devoloping country.First of all in rural areas have lack of opportunities.A lot of person prefer work good and offer more job opportunities.For example,in the village do not have more good internet.Many people dependancy for internet or job that work with phone.In 21 centry modernised to job that work with phone,such as bloger,bisness worker etc.So the people want internet to work not hard.

On the other hand,in urban areas better education and helthcare facilates.In many country do not devoloped the medicine and education.For example,in many village do not have the good opportunities for medicine and school education.Nowadays adults enjoy learning new things and the moving to the city.Also the 11’s students choose the devoloped city like Astana or Almaty.Because in this cityes is urbaning and they have good education for devoloping yourself.

But if people moving a lot we will not have place to live.In my opinion the government should build a lot of school and university to our no good education villages.If people move in the city,the road will have a lot of cars.So first of all the government should build the good medicine and internet to work.

In conclusion,if people want to move away towards urban areas,in the devoloping cityes will not have place.So people offer more job,eaducation and helthcare facilates,will must build a lot of good areas.

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

moving: 4

village: 3

devoloping: 3

areas: 3

internet: 3

education: 3

medicine: 3

build: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the clarity of these ideas could be improved with more precise and focused support. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with specific examples and explanations. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present but could be improved to better separate distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or missing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences, logical connectors (e.g., 'therefore,' 'however,' 'in addition'), and ensuring each paragraph addresses a single, focused idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice. Some words are used inappropriately, and there is a lack of sophistication in the language used. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic, focusing on using synonyms and more precise language. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that the words you choose fit the context appropriately. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. These errors significantly impede understanding. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing simple sentences correctly before attempting more complex constructions. Review and correct errors in your writing regularly.

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