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Band 5+: In many countries, young people spend too much time on their smartphones. This can have negative effects on their education, health, and relationships. What are the main problems associated with excessive smartphone use among young people? What solutions can be taken to address these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In different countries, Teenagers are wasting long hours using mobile phones and social media. It is widely believed that this issue has become increasingly significant in all modern societies. While this trend leads to numerous dangerous causes such as addiction and health issue, making it necessary to find affective solutions for its reduction. This essay will discuss both the reasons behind overuse of smartphone and adequate solution for it to control.

To begin with the primary reasons behind spending too much time on social media and smartphones, the vital is reduced physical activity. Youngsters spend too much time on social media while scrolling. For example, using TikTok which is a short videos scrolling application. Its algorithms are made in such way that it did not let you bored, which results in its overusing and wasting of a quality time. Similarly, when we use smartphone more than it should be it leads to lack of concentration. For instance, paying games for loner hours like PUBG relate us to lack of concentration. Which will also leads to bad sleep.

On the other hand, some affective solutions for overusing social media and smartphones are Parents guidance. Parents can play crucial role in their Children using smartphone. For example, they can set the limits of using smartphones for their kids. Similarly they can also use an parental email in the kids smartphone, which will give control of entire phone in the hands of Parents. Finally the kids should be encouraged to take part in physical activities as well, because it will lead them to better health conditions and also well lesser the use of smartphones in the kids. For example, Playing football on daily basis or any other sport in which he or she has more interest.

In conclusion, although there are multiple threats associated with using too much smartphones and social media, some effective measure can be very helpful for its prevention such as Parental control using Google account. In my personal perspective, governments should also take initiatives for spreading awareness related to social media and smartphone which will make Parents more conscious about the preventions.

Word Count: 353

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

using: 6

social: 6

media: 6

which: 6

smartphone: 5

smartphones: 5

parents: 4

leads: 3

example: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, discussing problems (reduced physical activity, lack of concentration, bad sleep) and solutions (parental guidance, physical activities, government awareness). A clear position is presented, and ideas are relevant. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. For example, the link between smartphone use and mental health is not explicitly explored, and the solutions could be more detailed and practical. To improve, ensure each problem is clearly explained with specific examples, and each solution is elaborated with steps for implementation. Also, avoid vague statements and grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and the main ideas are presented in a logical order. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'it' in the introduction). The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'On the other hand' is used to introduce solutions, which is not appropriate). Paragraphing is attempted but could be more effectively managed, with clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'addiction', 'physical activity', 'algorithms', 'parental control'), but there are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'affective solutions' instead of 'effective solutions', 'wasting of a quality time', 'relate us to lack of concentration'). The vocabulary is not always precise, and some expressions are informal or inappropriate for an academic essay (e.g., 'it did not let you bored'). There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but it is not always accurate. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('it did not let you bored'), incorrect verb forms ('paying games for loner hours'), missing articles ('an parental email'), and run-on sentences. There is some variety in sentence structures, but the frequent errors and awkward phrasing make the essay difficult to follow at times. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with some sentences lacking proper capitalization or ending punctuation. To improve, the writer should focus on basic grammar accuracy and sentence construction.

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