Opinion

Band 6+: In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

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In many countries, parents are getting used to educate their children remotely rather than traditionally. Although this trend can create convenient learning facilities, I believe that its disadvantages involving challenges with face-to-face communication and sedentary lifestyle outweigh the advantages.

On the one hand, a major upside of this pattern is a convenient way of studying. It can reduce stress of a child in several different ways, for instance dressing up formally is no longer required, time and money which is spent on transportation can be saved and flexible schedule is available. These are the most challenging part of traditional studying, because children often fell under pressure during the mornings and usually run out of time to socialize. As a result, it can lead to rapid progress and better results at academic subjects.

One crucial drawback of studying from home is reduction in real interactions. During the educational period, not only academic subjects are learned by students, but also the knowledge of making friends, conducting projects in front of the public. For instance, these practical skills can boost confidence when applying for work, running a business, and make person look more presentable and responsible. Therefore, in the modern era, during the advancements of technology, communication skill is extremely valuable. Another crucial disadvantage is that it can lead to sedentary lifestyle. If a person adjusts to digital devices from childhood and spends lots of time in front of a screen, interests to outdoors activities can be reduced. Eventually, leading to health issues, such as obesity.

In conclusion, this essay discussed the main advantages of remote learning, including convenient studying amenities also disadvantages including difficulty with face-to-face conversations and inactive lifestyle. I believe that disadvantages outweigh advantages.

Word Count: 284

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

studying: 4

convenient: 3

disadvantages: 3

lifestyle: 3

during: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant and supported with some development. However, there are a few lapses in focus and precision, such as the discussion of 'convenient learning facilities' which could be more directly linked to the home education context. The conclusion could be more concise and avoid repetition. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all points are fully extended with specific examples or explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and there is an attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'One crucial drawback', 'Another crucial disadvantage'). However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'It can reduce stress of a child' - 'it' is ambiguous). The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smoother.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'remote learning', 'sedentary lifestyle', 'face-to-face communication'). There are some good collocations (e.g., 'rapid progress', 'boost confidence'). However, there are also instances of imprecise word choice (e.g., 'convenient learning facilities' - 'facilities' is not the right word; 'amenities' in the conclusion is also misused). Some phrases are awkward (e.g., 'getting used to educate' should be 'getting used to educating'). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid direct translation from the first language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some accurate use of subordinate clauses. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('time and money which is spent' - should be 'are spent'), incorrect verb forms ('children often fell under pressure' - should be 'fall'), and missing articles ('during the mornings' - should be 'in the mornings'). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some run-on sentences. To improve, review grammar rules for subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Also, proofread to correct minor errors.

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Band 6+: In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

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Task Response

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In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school

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