Opinion

Band 5+: In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

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Firstly, teenagers really like hang out with their friends in malls. In other words, modern malls have lots of existing places to have fun: large gaming areas, new cinemas, and amazing art exhibitions. That is convenient, because you can choose whatever place you want, and you don’t need to go far away from one activity to other. For example, a big company if friends can’t choose exactly one thing, which all of them wants to do. If they go to a shopping mall, they can previously go to a cinema, secondly go to bowling alleys, and finally have a dinner on foodcourt.

On the other hand, shopping online can be uncomfortable for some reasons. For instance, you can buy bad quality cloth, because you can’t touch of wear it. When you look for new things in a shopping mall, you can get advise on product from shop assistant, or try on clothes. Specifically if you want to buy perfect presents for your friends or relatives, it is better to touch your acquisition. In some online shopes they don’t guarantee you high quality, correct size, or same colour.

Overall people will always have reasons to go to shopping malls, but, in my opinion, the most popular cause will be having fun. Entertainment is more comfortable in shopping malls, than shopping for any goods.

Word Count: 252

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

shopping: 9

malls: 6

entertainment: 3

because: 3

online: 3

friends: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first paragraph introduces the argument that online shopping will make malls more about entertainment, but this idea is not fully explored. The second paragraph focuses on teenagers and the variety of entertainment options, which is relevant but could be more specific and better supported. The third paragraph shifts to the disadvantages of online shopping, which is somewhat off-topic as it discusses shopping rather than entertainment. The conclusion restates the position but does not synthesize the arguments effectively. To improve, ensure each paragraph directly supports the main argument, provide more detailed examples, and maintain a clear focus on the future trend of entertainment as the primary reason for visiting malls.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and there is an attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', 'Overall'). However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'That is convenient' and 'a big company if friends'). The paragraphing is adequate, but the connection between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are more explicit.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'entertainment', 'online shopping', 'gaming areas', 'art exhibitions'). There are some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'acquisition'), but there are also errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'existing places', 'previously go', 'bad quality cloth', 'get advise'). The phrasing is sometimes unnatural (e.g., 'a big company if friends'). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural vocabulary, and proofread for collocation errors. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement ('a big company if friends can't choose'), incorrect verb forms ('to touch of wear it'), missing articles ('on foodcourt'), and punctuation issues. There are also run-on sentences and awkward phrasing. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing more complex sentences with accuracy, and proofread carefully to eliminate errors.

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