Cause And Solution

Band 4+: It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Nowadays, fewer students choose to study science. This essay will discuss both the reasons and effects of this issue.

There are many reasons why not enough students choose science subjects for study. First, unlike in the past, today’s pupils can choose whatever subjects they want to study. For example, in the past, parents would choose a science major for their own kids. However, students nowadays have more freedom to choose art as a subject. In addition, many of them struggle with science because it requires complex knowledge. Therefore, many of them prefer studying an easy subject, such as art or music.

If the number of students choosing a science subject has decreased, it has multiple effects on society. Take, for example, if there are not enough science graduates, there will be fewer scientists in the country. As a result, the government will have to bring in foreign experts in science. Furthermore, if there are fewer science degree holders, the research rate will decrease.

In conclusion, some people find it difficult to study science and would prefer to study what they like instead. There will be a low number of scientists and researchers affecting society.

Word Count: 194

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

science: 9

choose: 5

study: 5

students: 4

there: 4

fewer: 3

subject: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (freedom of choice and perceived difficulty) and effects (shortage of local scientists and decreased research rates). A position is present, but the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. The arguments are presented as simple observations rather than being deeply explored or extended with detailed explanations. To improve, try to expand on the 'why' and 'how.' For instance, instead of just stating that science is difficult, you could explain how the complexity of the curriculum or the lack of practical resources in schools contributes to this difficulty. Additionally, when discussing the effects, you could elaborate on the long-term societal consequences, such as a decline in technological innovation or economic competitiveness, to provide a more profound analysis. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat simplistic. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition signals beyond 'First', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore'. The connection between the lack of science students and the specific societal effects could be developed with more logical depth to ensure the flow feels natural rather than mechanical.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic and repetitive (e.g., repeating 'choose', 'science subjects', and 'students' frequently). To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic synonyms. For instance, instead of 'easy subject', you could use 'less cognitively demanding disciplines'; instead of 'bring in foreign experts', you could use 'rely on international specialists' or 'import human capital'. Expanding your range of topic-specific vocabulary will significantly enhance the quality of the writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good grasp of basic sentence structures and is generally easy to understand. However, the range of grammatical structures is limited, relying heavily on simple and compound sentences. There is a lack of complex sentence structures (such as conditional clauses, relative clauses, or passive voice) that are necessary for higher scores. Work on varying your sentence length and complexity to demonstrate greater control over the language.

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