Opinion

Band 4+: It is suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work, helping people in the community. Does it bring more benefits than drawbacks to young people?

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It has been suggested that young adults should be required to undertake the time of unpaid work helping people in the community.

If younger adults will undertake a period of unpaid work then in that period and help the community then they will benefit a lot because if they will be unpaid for some period then they might get the money after some time or their money can even go on a charity, i think younger adults can deal with this because they are in their early twenties and in that age human is full of energy so its ok if they wont be paid even if they will work.

If the younger adults wont be paid then they might face some problems such as the problems with money like they are working because they need money, not to be unpaid. Also if they will have a unpaid period, they might report the company that they work in and leave the job. If a person is in their early twenties it doesnt mean that they are able to deal with anything. If the period will last for longer and community will get help without even doing somehting, the young adults might just tell the thing happening to the CEO of the company and the person who suggested it might be punished.

In conclusion, i will say that its a bad thing not to pay the younger adults because they are not working for no reason, they are working because they need money. This thing should stop happening.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

adults: 6

unpaid: 5

period: 5

because: 5

might: 5

money: 5

younger: 4

their: 3

working: 3

thing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the topic but only in a minimal way. It presents a position against mandatory unpaid work, but the development is unclear and lacks logical progression. The main ideas are limited, repetitive, and not well-supported. There are issues with relevance, as some points (e.g., reporting to the CEO) are not clearly connected to the prompt. To improve, focus on clearly addressing both sides of the argument, provide specific examples or reasons, and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details. Also, work on organizing the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections. The argument is repetitive and lacks logical progression. For example, the first paragraph introduces the idea that unpaid work could lead to future payment or charity, but this is not developed. The second paragraph shifts to problems with money and reporting to the CEO, which is not clearly linked to the previous point. The conclusion simply restates the opinion without summarizing the main points. To improve, use clear topic sentences, ensure each paragraph has a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'therefore', 'in addition') to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of words like 'young adults', 'unpaid', 'work', and 'money'. There are also errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'undertake the time of unpaid work' (should be 'undertake a period of unpaid work') and 'they might get the money after some time' (unclear). The phrasing is often informal and imprecise, e.g., 'its ok if they wont be paid' and 'they might just tell the thing happening to the CEO'. To improve, expand your vocabulary with synonyms and more precise terms (e.g., 'mandatory', 'volunteer', 'compensation', 'financial burden'), and practice using words in correct collocations. Also, avoid informal contractions and slang. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. There are issues with verb tense and form (e.g., 'If younger adults will undertake' should be 'If younger adults undertake'), subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'human is full of energy' should be 'humans are full of energy'), and incorrect use of modals (e.g., 'they wont be paid' should be 'they will not be paid'). Punctuation is often missing or incorrect, such as missing commas and periods, and there are run-on sentences. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with most sentences being simple or compound. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences with subordinate clauses, and proofread your work to correct errors in tense, agreement, and punctuation.

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