Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 4+: Many cities are replacing traditional local markets with large, automated supermarkets. Why is this trend occurring? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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At the present time, an increasing amount of cities are switching from traditional local markets to large, automated supermarkets. This essay will discuss one main driving force behind this replacement and the main reason why i believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly, it is reasonable that the driving force behind this is the advancement of technology in the last 2 decades. Technology has shaped the society into a more modern civilization, the advancement of this spread among people and company. With large, automated markets, its high tech machine and a great service make the customer feel exclusive rather than walking in a local market where it is really humid and noisy and a bad service. For instance, no customer would want to shop in a wet market or a humid market. People has adapt to the world advancement and are mostly not used to shopping in the local market. They need something that make them feel like home with a sense of security. This is why the local are swapping to a supermarket instead of a local market.

Eventhough local market is something that express a city culture, it still doesn’t change the fact that supermarket offers more good products, good service with high sense of security. Crime rates in a supermarket is very low compare to the local market. This lead to more cities replacing local market with supermarket in order to earn its reputation and money for the city.

In conclusion, supermarket is more convenient and safe for the local and people around there. This is why I believe that replacing the local market help the cities more.

Word Count: 272

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

local: 10

market: 8

supermarket: 5

cities: 3

advancement: 3

people: 3

service: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. While a position is presented, the arguments are somewhat repetitive and rely on broad generalizations rather than specific, well-extended explanations. For example, the connection between technology and 'feeling like home' is not clearly articulated, and the argument regarding crime rates is presented without sufficient supporting detail. To improve, you should focus on expanding your ideas. Instead of simply stating that supermarkets are safer or more modern, explain *how* automation improves efficiency or *why* the convenience of supermarkets appeals to the modern lifestyle. Additionally, ensure you address the 'disadvantages' more thoroughly to provide a balanced evaluation before concluding that the advantages outweigh them. Improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will also help in conveying your ideas more clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes abrupt. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are linked using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In contrast'). Some sentences feel disconnected, which interrupts the flow of the argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite limited and repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'local market', 'supermarket', and 'good'). There are also instances of imprecise word choices, such as 'the local are swapping' or 'make them feel like home'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more sophisticated synonyms and collocations, such as 'traditional marketplaces', 'modern retail chains', or 'technological integration'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'People has adapt', 'Crime rates... is'), article usage, and sentence structure issues. Some sentences are fragmented or run-on. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures and ensuring that singular/plural nouns match their corresponding verbs. Practicing complex sentence constructions (using relative clauses and subordinating conjunctions) will also help improve your score.

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Band 9

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