Opinion

Band 6+: Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

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It is often argued that there is a tendency that parents prefer homeschooling to sending them to school. From my perspective, the benefits of the issue are greater than drawbacks since students can focus on their goals more efficiently.

To begin with, I accept that educating children at school helps them to develop skills that they cannot gain from home schooling. First of all, they can cultivate social skills. This means that children can learn about how to treat situations properly where they are struggling with other people. For example, in my case, I had trouble with my friend when I was in secondary school due to group work. When we completed the work, I had some complaints since his criterion was different from mine. Therefore, we resolved the situation by discussion and made a deal since his opinion was more reasonable than mine. As a result, I was able to learn about how to resolve conflicts such as listening to others’ opinions well. Also, schools can provide well-organized curriculum to students. This means that students can learn about various subjects such as mathematics and physical education regardless of their interests, so they can gain many kinds of knowledge.

On the other hand, I am convinced that home schooling can help students focus on their goals more easily. First of all, they can spend their time more efficiently to achieve their goals. This means that schools let students do various activities including participating in clubs and volunteering and it can be a waste of time. For example, Korean students who want to enter medical school tend to quit secondary school to prepare for the Korean Scholastic Aptitude Test (K-SAT). This is because students do not want to waste their time, taking classes that are not related to the test. Therefore, they organize their curriculum themselves and follow them by taking online lessons. As a result, the number of Korean medical students who received homeschooling has doubled in recent years. Moreover, home schooling can make students have good mental health. This means that students can struggle with hard situations at school such as bullying and competing with their friends excessively, so they can have no stress from those situations.

In conclusion, home schooling makes students achieve their goal more easily and can get emotional stabilization.

Word Count: 384

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 11

their: 9

school: 6

schooling: 4

means: 4

since: 3

goals: 3

learn: 3

about: 3

korean: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the central argument about the benefits of homeschooling outweighing its drawbacks. Also, consider varying your examples to demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a generally clear progression of ideas, but the connections between some sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. The introduction could more clearly state the essay's purpose and the specific points to be discussed. Transitions between paragraphs are present but could be more explicit to guide the reader. Within paragraphs, ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one, and use linking words to clarify these relationships. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between social skills and the example provided could be more directly stated. In the third paragraph, the transition from time efficiency to mental health could be smoother with a clearer link established between these two benefits.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise or sophisticated. For example, phrases like 'treat situations properly' could be replaced with more specific and nuanced language. While the vocabulary is generally accurate, expanding the range and using more idiomatic expressions would enhance the essay. Consider using a thesaurus to find alternative words that more accurately convey your intended meaning. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. Common errors include issues with verb tense consistency ('students can struggle' should be 'students might struggle'), article usage, and sentence structure. While the essay conveys its message, improving grammatical accuracy would significantly enhance its clarity and impact. Focus on proofreading for common errors and practicing more complex sentence structures to improve both range and accuracy.

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Band 6+: Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

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