Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 4+: Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

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Huge masses are leaving their home country and move to abroad with their family. In this essay, I will shade some light on more merits and demirts of this topic in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with benefits of going to foreign is that meet with modern culture. If individuals will permanently stay in overseas with their family then they will connect with different tradition and they will also enjoy new temple as well as ceremonies. For example, according to recent interview by media describe that 75% of people viwed in sothhall temple which were Indian.

Moving further, good rule regulation alongwith opporrunities. Actually abroad administration provide many amaneties to their individuals like as best education for students and free health care, cash pack per month for all people who live in foreign such as usa, UK, Australia etc. Apart from that, traffic system and safety also well maintained overthere. For instance, according to recent research by UK officer just 1% girls reap in abroad as compare to India.

On the other hand, isolation from roots of culture. If floks leave to their home nation then definitely they will separate and unaware from their rituals and tradition which is real emotion of individuals.

To sum up, although foreign give number to opportunities to people but due to this masses will miss their own culture.

Word Count: 223

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

abroad: 3

foreign: 3

culture: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a position, but the development of ideas is limited and inconsistent. While you identify some advantages (cultural exposure and better amenities) and a disadvantage (loss of cultural roots), the arguments lack depth and logical progression. Some examples provided are somewhat confusing or lack clarity in how they support the main point. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Development of Ideas**: Instead of just listing benefits, explain *how* and *why* these benefits impact the family unit. For example, explain how better education affects the long-term future of the children. 2. **Cohesion and Logic**: Ensure that your examples directly support your claims. Some of the statistics used feel disconnected from the actual argument. 3. **Task Response**: The prompt asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your conclusion mentions both sides but does not clearly state which side is stronger or more significant. Make sure to provide a definitive judgment in your conclusion. 4. **Clarity of Argument**: Avoid vague phrasing like 'shade some light' and focus on clear, academic expressions to introduce your points. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'To commence with', 'Moving further', 'On the other hand') is present but feels mechanical. To improve, focus on ensuring that each sentence flows logically into the next and that your paragraphing clearly separates distinct ideas. Avoid using overly formulaic transitions if they do not naturally fit the context of the sentence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and often inaccurate, which can lead to confusion for the reader. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'demirts', 'opporrunities', 'amaneties', 'floks') and incorrect word choices (e.g., 'shade some light', 'reap in abroad', 'give number to opportunities'). To improve, work on building a wider range of academic vocabulary and focus on collocation - learning which words naturally go together. Instead of 'huge masses', consider 'a significant number of people'; instead of 'good rule regulation', use 'effective governance' or 'strict regulations'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impact the clarity of your message. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, preposition errors (e.g., 'move to abroad' instead of 'move abroad'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'benefits of going to foreign is that meet with modern culture'). Many sentences are fragmented or contain run-on structures. I recommend practicing basic sentence construction, focusing on tense consistency and the correct use of articles (a, an, the). Aim to write shorter, clearer sentences before attempting complex structures.

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Band 4+: Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

Many parents go to work in other countries and take family with them .Do advantages in this development outweigh the disadvantages.

Other Topics:

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

People today sleep less and less. What are the causes of this? Do you think this is a positive development?

People today sleep less and less. What are the causes of this? Do you think this is a positive development?

Famous people, such as actors, musicians and sports stars, have a right to privacy. The media should not report on their private lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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