Opinion

Band 4+: Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

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Social networking sites like Instagram and facebook leave a negative impact on the individual and the society I disagree with this opinion this essay will explore both sides and highlight my opinion

So social networking sites helps the individual meet like minded people because it makes the world a huge social circle for example posting a event on intagram makes swimmers a community where they see eachother in gatherings and sporting events furthermore it helps reconnecting with old classmates like a reunion of an old class that helps light the spark with old memories On the other hand social networks can be a double sided sword as most thing it has a negative side as it can contribute with cyberbullying and harassment and that can take a tole on ones mental health it can lead to depression and many other illnesses further more social networking apps are addicting because it gives a dopamine hit and people like cheap dopamine since it is the hormone of happiness and that makes the people lazier wich can lead to more introverted people

To sum up social networking apps have a positive impact on the individual like reconnecting with old class mates and has a negative side such as cyberbullying and harassment in my opinion the negative side overtakes the positive

Word Count: 217

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 6

networking: 4

negative: 4

individual: 3

helps: 3

people: 3

makes: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas, while relevant, lack clarity and sufficient development. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer articulation of the extent of agreement or disagreement. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and supporting evidence for each point. Also, ensure a more balanced discussion of both sides before stating your opinion. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs needs improvement. Transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the shift from discussing the positive aspects of social networking to the negative aspects could be smoother. Consider using clearer transition words and phrases to guide the reader. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging and clearly state the essay's purpose and your stance.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks precision. There is some repetition of words and phrases (e.g., 'social networking sites,' 'negative impact'). To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to express your ideas more accurately and avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'negative impact,' you could use terms like 'detrimental effect,' 'adverse consequences,' or 'harmful influence.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary you use is appropriate for the context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors frequently impede understanding. For example, phrases like 'helps the individual meet' and 'take a tole on ones mental health' contain grammatical inaccuracies. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors. Consider using online grammar checkers or seeking feedback from a tutor to identify and address recurring mistakes.

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