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Band 6+: Many people move out of they region or country after retirement. Do you think it is advantageous or disadvantageous. Discuss both before telling your position on what is more

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In recent years, people have been shifting to a new country upon retirement. This has both advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss in this essay below the reasons why I conclude that there are more disadvantages.

Nowdays, parents live alone since their children move abroad to study and most of them never come back, leaving behind parents who have ties to their home country.

Some people feel this is advantageous since they spend nearly half their lives sticking to one place due to prevailing jobs, especially government employees. They could never move out since their job never allowed. They only plan to do so after they retire. This helps them make their own decisions, live carefree, learn new language, meet new people.

However, I believe that there are more disadvantages to this. Once you grow old, you start fearing life and become more emotional than ever. For instance, my grandparents have seen their children and grandchildren move out. They always wanted to move out too to their favourite place, Dalhousie, but this never happened and they always stayed in their hometown, our village. Now that they have grown old, they no longer want to leave our village since they ateare familiar towith the people they live around. They know that if, in case, there is an emergency, the neighbours will be the first ones to reach out. This is what matters the most.

Conclusively, I am a firm believer that there are more disadvantages of moving out, and at the end of the day itsday, it’s your people and your family that you want to be surrounded by.

Word Count: 268

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

people: 4

there: 4

since: 4

never: 4

disadvantages: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but the support for the advantages could be more developed. To improve, provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments, particularly regarding the advantages of moving after retirement. Also, ensure that your grammar is accurate.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally coherent and presents a clear argument. The structure is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from the general statement about parents living alone to the discussion of advantages could be more clearly linked. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of range and precision. While the language is generally accurate, it could benefit from more sophisticated word choices and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of 'sticking to one place,' you could use phrases like 'being rooted in one location' or 'remaining geographically static.' Consider expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using more precise language to convey your ideas. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are some errors that affect clarity. For example, there are issues with preposition usage ('familiar towith') and sentence structure. While these errors don't significantly impede understanding, they do detract from the overall quality of the writing. Focus on reviewing grammar rules and proofreading carefully to identify and correct errors. Pay attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of prepositions.

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