Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Many people spend a lot of time and money on watching films and TV shows, either at home or in cinemas. This can have a negative impact on their health, budget, and lifestyle. What are the causes and effects of this phenomenon?

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There is an argument where many inividuals invest their money and time for watching movies and TV shows in their home or theater and this particular habit is addressed as a negative concern on their health, financial budget and daily lifestyle.In this essay, I will explain major reasons & effects behind this trend.

One of the primary cause is the modern satellite infrastructure policy around the world. Due to this advantage, several categories of television channel are established their business colony to seperate regions. Consequently, people could accept other traditions from cinema & TV serial that will lead to a culture innovation. Secondly, most individuals use these medium (Film/TV shows) as an entertainment source. In urban culture, people follow a strict schedule from day to night. After this busy period, they observe social media platforms for finding their interest and see those happily.

There are several disadvantages if people overuse their time and money for watching films and TV shows because it allows several health symptoms including eye problem, overweight and mental depression.They do not interact with social rituals or physical exercise. Sometimes, they receive some unexpected matters which it shown in TV shows or films. Subsequently, this will create a trauma situation.Furthermore, some individuals spend more money for their entertainment through purchase ticket or internet.As per this extra expense, they will experience financial hardship in future.

In conclusion, media is an essential entertainment source in modern period.Despite of an excellent advantage of cultural globalisation, some negative concerns are directed to our health & daily activities.

Word Count: 256

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

money: 3

shows: 3

health: 3

&: 3

several: 3

people: 3

entertainment: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing causes and effects of spending time and money on films and TV shows. A position is presented, and the main ideas are relevant. However, the development of ideas lacks clarity and precision. For example, the first cause about satellite infrastructure is vague and not clearly linked to the negative impact. The effects are listed but not fully explained or supported with specific examples. To improve, ensure each cause and effect is clearly explained and logically connected to the prompt. Use more precise language and avoid grammatical errors that affect clarity. Also, provide a more balanced and well-structured conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the link between satellite infrastructure and cultural innovation is not fully explained. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'as a result') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details that logically follow one another.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'satellite infrastructure', 'entertainment source', 'financial hardship'). However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice (e.g., 'established their business colony', 'observe social media platforms', 'trauma situation'). To improve, aim for more precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid literal translations or overly complex expressions. Use synonyms and collocations effectively to enhance lexical range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. Examples include missing articles ('a negative concern'), subject-verb agreement ('One of the primary cause'), incorrect verb forms ('it shown'), and run-on sentences. There is also inconsistent use of punctuation (e.g., missing commas, periods). To improve, focus on sentence structure, ensure subject-verb agreement, and proofread for punctuation. Practice using a variety of complex and compound sentences accurately.

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