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Band 5+: Many small local shops are closing due to competition from large supermarkets and shopping centres. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative trend?

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A large number of small local markets are closing as they cannot compete with shopping malls in the city. This essay provides several problems and the ways to solve this situation.

Firstly, many individuals will lose their jobs. Since, they do not have opportunities to pay rent in the large supermarkets, it is significantly more expensive than owning a minor shop. As a results, entrepreneurs will become rank-and-file employees. This situation can be improved if large supermarkets offer special deals with impressive discounts. For example, if some owner get a beneficial conditions considering his minor income, like better premises of rent and good ability, he will agree with his please. They will be able to pay rent and also will have a lot of customers, since all markets in one place. Consequently, their income will increase.

Secondly, a lot of people are used to buy handmade products from local store, because there are eco products and huge of citizens and tourists like to buy it. As a result, they will not have opportunities to buy it. In addition, many traditional items will disappear. It will have a negative impact for talented individuals who create something for sale. To resolve this issue, it is necessary to set aside a certain area for local business.

In conclusion, owners of local markets will lose their jobs and people will not be able to buy national goods. For improving these problems, firstly need to give special deals for entrepreneurs or leave limited place only for local markets.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

local: 5

markets: 4

large: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt (effects on communities and potential solutions), but the development of these ideas is inconsistent and sometimes lacks clarity. While a position is present, the connection between the problems and the proposed solutions is occasionally weak or illogical. For example, the suggestion that entrepreneurs become 'rank-and-file employees' because they cannot afford rent is a bit unclear in its reasoning, and the solution regarding 'special deals' is not fully explained in a way that makes practical sense. To improve, you should focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Development**: Instead of briefly mentioning a problem and a solution in the same paragraph, try to fully explore the 'effect' first, and then dedicate a separate paragraph to 'solutions' to ensure a logical flow. 2. **Clarity of Argument**: Ensure that your solutions directly and logically address the problems you raised. For instance, if the problem is the loss of handmade goods, the solution should clearly explain how setting aside an area would specifically protect those artisans. 3. **Cohesion**: Work on using cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel disconnected, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your train of thought.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to logical gaps. For instance, the connection between entrepreneurs becoming 'rank-and-file employees' and the solution of supermarkets offering discounts is not clearly explained. To improve, ensure that each sentence logically leads to the next and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', 'Consequently') to link ideas more smoothly. Avoid starting sentences with 'Since' followed by a comma, as this creates a fragment rather than a complete thought.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey basic meaning, but there is a lack of precision and sophistication. There are several instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'good ability', 'agree with his please', and 'huge of citizens'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more specific collocations and academic terms. For example, instead of 'minor shop', use 'small-scale retailers'; instead of 'special deals', use 'preferential leasing terms' or 'subsidized rents'. Work on using nouns and adjectives more accurately to avoid repetitive or vague language. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'some owner get'), article usage, and sentence structure (e.g., 'it is necessary to set aside a certain area for local business' is correct, but 'firstly need to give' is missing a subject). There are also errors in word form and preposition usage (e.g., 'impact for' instead of 'impact on'). To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that every sentence has a clear subject and verb. Regular proofreading for basic errors like singular/plural agreement will significantly help.

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Band 5+: Many small local shops are closing due to competition from large supermarkets and shopping centres. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative trend?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Many small local shops are closing due to competition from large supermarkets and shopping centres. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative trend?

Many small local shops are closing due to competition from large supermarkets and shopping centres. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative trend?

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some peope think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What others factor should be considered?

Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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