Opinion

Band 6+: Many young people believe that fashionable clothes are important for their image and career. Why do they think this way? Do you agree with this opinion?

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In recent years, more and more young people began to believe that people’s appearance and clothes importanrt for their image and career. I definitely disagree with this opinion and this essay will examine the reasons why young people hold this belief.

Some young people really care about their appearance and how fashionable their clothes are. They think that their appearance has a significant impact on their careers and personal image. For example, many teenagers want to wear fashionable clothes because they see them on social media and want to look as cool as the people wearing them. Another reason why young people want to wear fashionable clothes is competition among friends. For example, when one teenager wears trendy sneakers and shows them off, others may want to buy similar items to look even cooler.

I strongly disagree with this statement because some people do not have enough money to buy fashionable clothes. These clothes can be very expensive and some parents can’t buy them for their children, who want to look cooler among their friends. Another reason why I disagree is that clothing does not mean a person’s reputation or career. For example, I know many people who wear simple clothes but have successful careers and a good reputation. Therefore, I believe that people’s actions matter more than what they wear.

In conclusion, some people wear fashionable clothes to look cooler among others and imitate what they see on the Internet. However, I believe that clothes do not matter people’s reputation or career.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

clothes: 9

people: 8

their: 7

fashionable: 5

young: 4

believe: 3

people's: 3

appearance: 3

career: 3

disagree: 3

example: 3

among: 3

reputation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt: it explains why young people think fashionable clothes are important and presents a clear position of disagreement. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The reasons for young people's beliefs are mentioned but not fully explored, and the counter-arguments are supported with only general examples. To improve, provide more specific and detailed examples, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea with further explanation. Additionally, work on grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are presented in a coherent manner, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'For example', 'Another reason', 'Therefore') helps the reader follow the argument. However, the conclusion could be more effectively linked to the introduction, and the transition between the two main body paragraphs could be smoother. To improve, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is fully developed.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the ideas, with some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'significant impact', 'imitate'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'clothes do not matter people's reputation' should be 'clothes do not matter to people's reputation'). To improve, aim for more precise and natural word choices, and avoid repetition (e.g., 'fashionable clothes' is used frequently). Expanding your vocabulary with synonyms and collocations will enhance the lexical resource. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditional forms. There are only minor errors, such as 'began to believe' (should be 'have begun to believe') and 'importanrt' (typo for 'important'). Punctuation is generally accurate. To achieve a higher score, ensure consistent use of correct verb tenses and article usage, and proofread to eliminate small errors. The overall control of grammar is good, but more variety in sentence structures would enhance the response.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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