Cause And Solution

Band 6+: More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do youthink are the causes of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

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It is a fact that nowadays many people are suffering from mental illness such as stress due to overwork at their workplaces. The main cause is the productivity demand from their superiors which in turn can be solved by implementing a healthy work life balance.

One main reason of stress these days at work is the fast paced environment where employers demand immediate results to meet the deadlines. The contributing factors of mental distress include high productivity, meetings all the time and speedy report submission. Employees have to complete various tasks within short time, as a result of which they feel stressed. Rather than enhanced performance, this result into poor outcomes for both worker and the organisation. A survey conducted last year showed that people feel exhausted and stressed due to their occupation and even in worse condition leads to suicide. Therefore, a demanding workplace have severe negative effects on one’s mental health.

The best way to reduce this stress at workplaces is to develop a work life balance. The employers should identify one’s capabilities and limits and assign responsibilities accordingly. Keeping personal and work life separate is vital for healthy life. Companies should provide better environment to their employees focusing on their physical and mental health and this can be achieved by assigning tasks beforehand so, that they have enough time to complete it. They can also sponsor different tours and fun events for their staff once in a while so they can feel more relaxed and happy. This would help them to feel less anxious about work. Ultimately, this will uplift their performance along with the companies progress. Therfore, organisation can hinder the negative consequences of toxic work environment by maintaining work life balance.

To conclude, i believe mental stress affects individual’s both professionals and personal life which is sometimes very detrimental. So work life balance is the only solution that can save a worker from being stress out and feeling anxious all the time.

Word Count: 327

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

mental: 5

stress: 5

which: 3

environment: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (fast-paced environments and high productivity demands) and suggesting solutions (work-life balance and company-sponsored wellness). A clear position is maintained throughout the response. To improve the score, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, while the mention of a survey adds weight, the connection between 'speedy report submission' and the broader concept of 'modern work patterns' could be more deeply explored. Additionally, ensure that the distinction between 'employers' (the people/entities) and 'employees' (the workers) is used consistently and accurately to avoid confusion in the argument. Refining the grammatical precision and expanding on how specific modern technologies or patterns contribute to this stress would elevate the depth of the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used, but they occasionally feel repetitive or mechanical. To improve, try using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next to create a more seamless argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic (e.g., 'productivity demand', 'mental distress', 'work-life balance'), but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher bands. There is some repetition of words like 'stress' and 'work'. To improve, aim to use more varied synonyms and collocations. For example, instead of 'fast paced environment', you could use 'high-pressure corporate culture' or 'relentless pace of modern industry'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that impact the overall quality of the writing. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'a demanding workplace have' should be 'has'), incorrect word forms (e.g., 'being stress out' should be 'stressed out'), and punctuation errors. There are also instances of awkward phrasing (e.g., 'this result into poor outcomes'). To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and practicing the use of complex sentence forms to increase your range.

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