Cause And Solution

Band 7+: Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures, and what measures should be taken to reduce them?

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In recent years, children have been facing more pressure than before in different areas of life, such as education, social life, and the influence of business activities. This situation can affect their mental and physical health. There are several reasons behind this problem, and some effective solutions can help reduce these pressures.

One major cause is academic competition. Nowadays, parents and schools expect children to get high marks and perform better than others. As a result, many students feel stressed about exams and homework. Another reason is social pressure. Children often compare themselves with friends, especially because of social media, and they may feel unhappy if they do not fit in.

Commercial pressure is also increasing. Many companies advertise toys, gadgets, and fashionable products that attract children. They may feel pressure to buy expensive things in order to follow trends or look modern.

To reduce these pressures, parents and teachers should create a healthy environment for children. They should focus not only on marks but also on personal development and happiness. Schools can reduce pressure by encouraging sports and creative activities. In addition, governments should control advertisements that target young children.

In conclusion, academic competition, social comparison, and commercial influence are the main causes of pressure on children. Parents, schools, and governments must work together to protect children and help them live a balanced life.

Word Count: 225

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 7

pressure: 6

social: 4

reduce: 3

parents: 3

schools: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified the causes (academic competition, social media/comparison, and commercial advertising) and provided corresponding measures (parental/school support and government regulation). The position is clear throughout the response. To reach a higher score, you could further develop your ideas by providing more specific examples or deeper explanations of the 'how' and 'why.' For instance, when discussing commercial pressure, you could briefly explain how this affects a child's self-esteem or family dynamics to add more depth to the argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is very well-organized and easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, and the progression from causes to solutions is logical. To reach a higher band, you could use more sophisticated cohesive devices and transitions between sentences to create a more seamless flow, rather than relying on standard markers like 'One major cause', 'Another reason', and 'In addition'.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is accurate and appropriate for the topic. You correctly use terms like 'academic competition', 'personal development', and 'commercial influence'. However, the vocabulary is somewhat safe and repetitive. To improve, try to incorporate more academic or less common lexical items (e.g., instead of 'get high marks', use 'achieve academic excellence'; instead of 'unhappy', use 'discontented' or 'alienated'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The grammar is highly accurate with very few errors, making the essay easy to read. You demonstrate a good control of sentence structures. To move toward a band 9, try to incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., 'If governments were to regulate...') or more advanced relative clauses, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical flexibility.

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