Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: Nowadays it is easier for young people to have credit cards compared to past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantage

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In recent years, obtaining a credit card has provide convenience for society to buy easily goods or use services. While this trend offers certain benefits such as financial convenience and independence, there are drawbacks for youth generations in using a credit card if they cannot be balance between their income and debt. Therefore, I believe that the usage of a credit card has more the generally disadvantages rather than its advantages.

On the one hand, a credit card offers several merits for teenagers to buy a wider variety of items or services which help individuals in fulfilling their necessities such as items, travel, and emergency without carrying cash. Moreover, using a credit card facilitates young people to build their business which help individuals to accelerate the growth of their income. For example, Adira finance is the one of financial companies in Indonesia offering young people to use a credit card in buying vehicles. These advantages give accessibility and convenience for people to buy items without saving money.

Conversely, there are significantly negative impacts for adolescence in using this method, many young generations lack the maturity and experience required to manage the payment of credit card. Easy access in using credit cards encourage youngsters in spending their money without considering income as a result they cannot be able to pay credit instalments, causing the damage of their reputation.

In conclusion, while the usage of credit cards have benefits for financial convenience and economy opportunities, I believe that most young generations are not capable in balancing between their income and debt so it provides significant risks to use credit cards, causing unhealthy lifestyle and damaged reputation.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

credit: 11

their: 7

convenience: 4

using: 4

income: 4

young: 4

financial: 3

generations: 3

items: 3

without: 3

people: 3

cards: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While the advantages (convenience and business growth) and disadvantages (lack of maturity and debt) are relevant, they lack depth and detailed explanation. For instance, the connection between credit cards and 'building a business' for teenagers is a bit of a stretch and could be better explained or supported with more realistic examples. To improve, try to extend your arguments by explaining the 'how' and 'why' more thoroughly. For example, instead of just stating that they lack maturity, explain how the psychological aspect of 'invisible money' leads to impulsive spending. Additionally, ensure better grammatical control, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and word forms (e.g., 'provide' vs 'provided', 'balance' vs 'balanced'), to ensure your ideas are communicated with more precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using more effective cohesive devices (linking words) to connect sentences smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is supported by logical development rather than just listing points.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but there is a lack of precision and variety. There are several instances of incorrect word forms (e.g., 'buy easily goods' instead of 'easily buy goods' or 'buy goods easily', and 'youth generations' instead of 'younger generations'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more sophisticated collocations and ensure that adjectives and adverbs are used correctly in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'usage... have benefits' should be 'has'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'has provide' should be 'has provided'), and sentence structure errors (e.g., 'cannot be balance' should be 'cannot balance'). I recommend practicing complex sentence structures and paying close attention to tense consistency and basic parts of speech.

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