Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 4+: Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent days, technology is highly developed to monitoring the people through cell phones and cameras. But in some cases people do not have knowledge about this thing. I personally believe that, this monitoring system is not good. I explain my whole point of view in given essay.

To begin with, if the person do not have that much of awareness regarding to the cameras and the tracking system which is available in a cell phone(for example- like they using some social media apps or open some unknown websites) which may lead to an misuse of the personal information. Due, to this crime rate also get increased by passing days.

Another reason, if the person get fraud or scammed by unknown people then the person goes and stuck into the depression and stress. Means we can say that the person get psychologically affect their body. Also, nowadays if we go to any palaces like market, garden, job, etc…everywhere has an cameras due to this its lead to an privacy loss.

Apart from this, There are some advantages of this development like, monitoring people by using cameras can helps to prevent crimes. Also it helps to public for safety purposes. Secondly, In any emergency situation like there are any crime taken place that time check the cameras of the place and check the situation when and how the crime take place. Thirdly, if the person has his own business then its helps to monitors the workers. For example- They are not able to go an check employes working properly or not everyday. That time take an help of camera and check the camera how the employes doing there work.

To conclude, In increasing of development monitoring the people has makes an fraud easy. Also due to this crime rate is also increased. But there are some advantages of this development which I explained in my body paragraph third.

Word Count: 317

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

cameras: 5

person: 5

monitoring: 4

crime: 4

there: 4

check: 4

which: 3

development: 3

helps: 3

place: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential consequences of both the advantages and disadvantages of technology being used to monitor people. Also, ensure a clearer structure within each paragraph, focusing on one main idea and supporting it with evidence or reasoning.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the flow of ideas is often difficult to follow. Paragraphing is present, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak. The introduction and conclusion are basic and lack sophistication. To improve, focus on using clear topic sentences, transitional phrases, and logical connectors to guide the reader through your argument. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea and that the ideas are presented in a logical order.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive, with some inaccuracies in word choice. There is an attempt to use more complex words, but these are not always used appropriately. To enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic and focus on using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition. Pay attention to the correct usage of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. To improve, concentrate on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Proofread carefully for errors and consider seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct mistakes.

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