Opinion

Band 4+: Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

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In recent time, it has been observed that parents are engaging more In professional duties instead of spending time with their Children. It results in surge in Social problems. I completely agree with the provided notion beause of certain reasons which will be explained in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are several reasons behind it.to begin with, the prime reason is that it Most children spend time with themselves because Their folks are More Engaged in work. As a result children suffer from lonelines ,and it also affects their mental health. Apart from it, sometimes chilren may involve in Criminal activities such as robbey and drug addiction. For instance, an article was published in the times of india shows the significant increase in number of teens involving in Dangerous activities which lack parental monituring.

In addition to this, if parents do not Continuously watch their children’s activities,bullying may happend. As a result, It will kill the child from inside because they have no one to help. For example as per the recent survey it has been observed that many cases of bullying happen due to the neglence of parental care .Moreover ,children may spend their most of the time in phones and indoors because they have no one to communicate

In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of…., the advantages are certainly higher. Therefore, considering the advantageous facts, it seems to be a positive development.

Word Count: 234

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

children: 4

because: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (agreement), but the development of ideas is limited and inconsistent. While you identify relevant social problems such as loneliness, crime, and bullying, the connection between parental absence and these issues could be more deeply explored. A significant issue is the conclusion: it is completely irrelevant to the essay's topic. You mentioned 'drawbacks' and 'advantages' and called it a 'positive development,' which contradicts your earlier stance that this is a problem. This creates a logical failure in your overall argument. To improve, ensure your conclusion summarizes your actual arguments rather than using a memorized template that does not fit the topic. Additionally, work on expanding your supporting points with more logical depth rather than just listing problems, and pay close attention to sentence structure and capitalization to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas is hindered by several issues. The introduction sets up the argument, but the conclusion is completely irrelevant to the topic; it discusses 'advantages and drawbacks' and 'positive development,' which contradicts your stance of agreeing that this is a social problem. To improve, ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reinforces your original position. Additionally, use more varied cohesive devices; currently, the transitions are somewhat repetitive or used mechanically.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'lonelines', 'chilren', 'robbey', 'monituring', 'neglence'). There is also an issue with capitalization, where words like 'Children', 'Social', and 'More' are capitalized mid-sentence without reason. To improve, focus on learning the correct spelling of common academic words and practice using a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition. Ensure that capitalization follows standard English rules. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'time at work that with their children'), and sentence fragments. For example, 'to begin with, the prime reason is that it Most children...' is grammatically broken. You should work on sentence structure, specifically focusing on how to combine ideas using subordinating conjunctions and ensuring that every sentence has a clear subject and predicate.

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