Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

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It is major concern that the number of overweight people are increasing nowadays around the world.This essay will examine the primary

causes of this issue and suggest viable solution.

There are several reasons why obesity occurs.The major cause of it is a lack of sport activities in our lives and unhealthy diet.Moreover,humanity spend a lot of their leisure time scrolling their social media and just being at home the whole day.During our stay at home or working,we are not be able to lose the the amount of calories we need . Also people just eating fast food as they do not have time or opportunity to cook something healthy because they need to have a fast lunch.Therefore,they will gain mass and most of it will be fats such as fast food has much of them.

To tackle this problem, companies or government should provide free and healthy lunch everywhere in places such as school,offices,shops,hospitals for all employees.Furthermore,the government should built more canteen around the cities,around the world for the population where the healthy food will be sold for normal price.Then people will by food there and not just fast food in supermarket.Secondly,the governments should provide free sports events which will encourage our society to do sport.Many of people have never tried to do any sport activity because they do not have money or wish. If this actions are taken,people will monitor their nutrition and try more sports clubs.

In conclusion, the rise of obesity can be the result of unhealthy nutrition and an inactive lifestyle.However,this issue can be effectively addressed if the governments around the world wiil take the aforementioned actions.

Word Count: 271

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

around: 3

their: 3

healthy: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions, and presents a clear position. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. For example, the causes are mentioned but not fully explained, and the solutions are general and not well-elaborated. To improve, provide more specific examples and detailed reasoning for each cause and solution. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is fully developed. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. For example, the first body paragraph lists causes without a clear logical progression, and the second body paragraph jumps between different solutions without smooth linking. To improve, use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'As a result') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed coherently.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'obesity', 'unhealthy diet', 'sedentary lifestyle', 'viable solution'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'lack of sport activities', 'humanity spend', 'they will gain mass'). To improve, use more precise and natural collocations (e.g., 'lack of physical activity', 'sedentary lifestyle', 'gain weight') and avoid informal or incorrect expressions. Also, vary word choice to avoid repetition (e.g., 'government' is used repeatedly). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement ('number of overweight people are increasing'), incorrect verb forms ('we are not be able'), and missing articles ('It is major concern'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing spaces after periods. To improve, focus on proofreading for subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper punctuation. Additionally, ensure that verb tenses are consistent and accurate.

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Band 5+: Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

Obesity rates are rising in many countries around the world. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be offered to tackle it?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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