Opinion

Band 5+: People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in anew country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decades, many people tend to move to another country in order to get better life, education or it was just their desire. They not only follow the rules of the new country, but also appreciate its cultural traditions. I completely agree with this statement because it shows our attitude to culture and respect.

The purpose of visiting another country is immersion yourself in a different culture and meet new people who may become friends in the future. To fully experience life in another country you can,for example, learn language.This will make experience more thrilling and fascinating for both community and individuals in which they live.

Furthermore, people go to live to another country because of historical landmarks and daily life. For instance, if type of people have passion for calm life , they will move to country that famous by their local life and nation. Also, if people adore culture heritage ,if they understand that in their country they do not have it, they will move to country that is renowned for their rich historical landmarks.

In conclusion, I absolutely agree with this view that people supposed to support all rules and customs because it would the same if in your country had moved people and treat to your country inappropriate and disrespectful, you would think why they even came here if they cannot provide basis courtesy.

Word Count: 229

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

country: 10

people: 7

another: 4

their: 4

because: 3

culture: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the reasoning behind your arguments. Also, ensure that your ideas are logically connected and flow smoothly throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The introduction presents a stance, but the connection to the subsequent paragraphs could be stronger. The body paragraphs attempt to provide supporting arguments, but the transitions between them are weak, making it difficult to follow the line of reasoning. The conclusion restates the agreement but lacks a strong summarization of the arguments. To improve coherence, use clearer topic sentences and transitional phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider using cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, which sometimes affects the precision of the ideas conveyed. There are instances of inaccurate word choice ('immersion yourself,' 'type of people') and overuse of simple words. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic of cultural adaptation and respect. Focus on using synonyms and more precise language to express your ideas effectively. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. These include errors in verb tense ('people tend to move'), subject-verb agreement ('people go to live'), article usage ('the language'), and sentence structure (run-on sentences, awkward phrasing). There are also issues with punctuation, particularly in the use of commas and apostrophes. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammatical structures and sentence patterns. Practice using a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex) to add complexity to your writing. Proofread carefully for errors in grammar and punctuation.

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