Opinion

Band 5+: Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is often argued that popular events like a football world cup and other international sporting occasions are needed for easing tensions and expressing the emotions in a safe way.I completely agree with that because people get united to support the country and that way the internal conflicts within the country can be avoided.

The primary reason I agree is that if there is a popular event that is hosted like football in which various country teams participate and play together.Respective countries may face internal pressures and conflicts rise in their country by the people. Moreover, to unleash the pressure all the people get united to support their country as fan boys or girls and cheer them. Additionally, people express emotions by shouting , chanting their team names without any fights or arguments with the other people supporting different teams . In addition to it,expressing patriotic emotions here in this method is the safest way.

In addition to that, other than international sports events there is no place to ease our tensions and release emotions for the country.For example, cricket brings people united without separating the people as all are the same.They together support the country and show how they feel and express emotions towards it.This wont cause any fights among them its a peace way.In contrast, other than sports its leads to disagreement, conflicts and healthy relationship can’t be established between the countries.

As a result, to ease our tensions and express our emotions in a safe way, sports is the best choice to execute that in a smoother and healthier way

Word Count: 263

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

emotions: 6

country: 6

other: 4

tensions: 3

united: 3

support: 3

conflicts: 3

their: 3

express: 3

sports: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and precision. The arguments are somewhat repetitive and could be better supported with specific examples or more detailed reasoning. The structure is basic, and there are issues with coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on extending your ideas with concrete examples, improving paragraph organization, and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. Also, work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and lack of clear transitions between sentences. For example, the second paragraph jumps from internal pressures to fan behavior without a smooth connection. The conclusion is very brief and could be more developed. To improve, use more linking words and phrases (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'as a result') to guide the reader, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully explained before moving to the next point.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some attempts at using less common words like 'unleash' and 'patriotic'. However, there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'ease tensions', 'express emotions') and some awkward or incorrect word choices (e.g., 'fan boys or girls', 'peace way'). The range of vocabulary could be wider, and more precise terms would improve clarity. To improve, try to use synonyms and more formal expressions, such as 'alleviate tensions', 'demonstrate patriotism', or 'foster unity'. Also, avoid informal phrases like 'fan boys or girls' in an academic essay. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that affect clarity. For example, 'if there is a popular event that is hosted like football in which various country teams participate and play together' is a run-on sentence with unclear meaning. There are also issues with punctuation (e.g., missing commas, incorrect use of spaces before commas) and subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'This wont cause any fights among them its a peace way'). To improve, focus on writing shorter, clearer sentences and review basic grammar rules, especially for sentence boundaries and punctuation. Using a variety of sentence structures (e.g., complex and compound sentences) correctly will also enhance the essay.

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