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Band 5+: Social media has badly influenced our social life. Do you agree or disagree with it?

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Social media emerged in the early 20s and has rapidly grown since. While there are many controversial opinions about how it is affecting society. I believe it has made a positive impact on society.

To begin with, social media has reduced the unemloyment rate in every country. It started a new field of business such as: influencers, creators, market advertisers, ..with the emergence of tons of job opportunities, there are more and more younglings that is taking advantage of it. Tiktok, for instance, was a major success among all online platforms regardless of its late debut. From big companies such as: Facebook, Whats-spp, Twitter, Instagram, Tiktok to smaller ones like bing, Twitch are all hiring experts from around the globe.

Additionally, social media also plays a crucial role in this globalization era. Social media has done a great work connecting people. Not only that, social media can boost people’s desire to “go-global” through hundreds of motivational videos and photos.

In conclusion, I belive social platforms has improved our life. It has created many job opportunities, bring people and propagate useful ideas for every person in the world.

Word Count: 187

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 6

media: 5

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant but could benefit from more specific examples and in-depth explanations. For instance, when discussing the reduction of unemployment, providing statistics or specific examples of how social media has created jobs would strengthen the argument. Similarly, elaborating on how social media boosts the desire to 'go-global' with concrete examples would enhance the essay's persuasiveness. To improve, focus on providing more detailed support for your claims and ensuring a strong focus throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to support it with examples. However, the organization could be improved. Transitions between ideas within paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, and the connection between the examples and the main points could be strengthened. For instance, in the second paragraph, elaborating on how social media influencers and creators directly reduce unemployment would enhance the argument's coherence. In the third paragraph, provide specific examples of how social media connects people and motivates them to 'go-global' to strengthen the argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the impact. For example, 'younglings' is not a formal term and could be replaced with 'young people' or 'youth.' Varying your vocabulary and using more sophisticated language where appropriate will improve this area. Also, avoid informal language. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'there are more and more younglings that is taking advantage of it') and incorrect preposition usage are present. Sentence structure is generally simple, and while understandable, it lacks complexity. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and carefully proofread for grammatical errors. For example, the sentence 'Social media emerged in the early 20s and has rapidly grown since' could be rephrased for better flow and grammatical accuracy.

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