Opinion

Band 5+: Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

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It is often argued that a good teacher plays a vital role in the academic achievement of students at schools, while others believe that students’ determination and attitude can bring them to succeed their goal. I believe that children’ academic success does not depend on teachers, but on themselves.

On the one hand, young children are a group of new generations who are going to become significant human resources in terms of nation development. Therefore, teachers are a part of children’ educational achievement. This is because teachers can provide appropriate knowledge and advice for children planning to be professionals in the future. In addition, teachers can share their experiences, and advise any information for children in order to prepare in advance. For example, being a doctor is difficult for some children, and they do not know how to do it because no one advises them. In this case, a teacher is similar to a light leading a successful way for children to be a good doctor in the future. As a result, teachers can give advice for children to accomplish in their dream.

On the other hand, even teachers can help children by giving suitable ideas to achieve their goal. Nevertheless, I believe that is not the main concept that children can have academic accomplishment. This is because every step of achievement initiates from an individual’s attempt, determination and attitude. These three concepts can assist a person to overcome difficulties. For instance, if children have a strong determination to be a doctor, and they keep reading books and do a lot of exercises so as to prepare for admission to university. On the other hand, if they do not attempt to read books or do many mock tests, but they just wait for a good teacher to lead a way of success, they will not gain any achievement from that. As a consequence of this thought, a person who wishes to be something or succeed in something, they should have a good mind set and strong determination.

In conclusion, Although teachers can only give ideas and advice for academic success, they do not assist children to achieve their goal. Nonetheless, children should endeavor by themselves.

Word Count: 365

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 11

teachers: 7

their: 5

academic: 4

achievement: 4

teacher: 3

believe: 3

determination: 3

success: 3

because: 3

advice: 3

doctor: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly discussed both views and provided a personal opinion that is maintained throughout the response. The position is easy to follow, and the ideas are relevant to the topic. To improve and reach a higher band, focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Development**: While you present relevant ideas, some arguments could be more deeply explored. For example, in the first body paragraph, you could explain *how* a teacher's pedagogical skills or classroom management directly impacts academic results, rather than just focusing on 'advice' and 'career guidance.' 2. **Grammatical Precision**: There are several minor grammatical errors, particularly with possessives (e.g., 'children' academic success' should be 'children's academic success') and sentence structures (e.g., 'bring them to succeed their goal' should be 'help them succeed in their goals'). 3. **Cohesion and Coherence**: Some transitions and sentence connections are slightly repetitive. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices would help the flow of your arguments. For instance, the phrase 'On the other hand' is used twice in close proximity in the second body paragraph; try to vary your linking words to maintain engagement.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used somewhat repetitively (e.g., 'On the other hand' is used twice in close proximity, once to start a paragraph and once within a paragraph). To improve, try to use a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next without relying heavily on standard transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate to convey the message, and there is an attempt to use topic-specific language (e.g., 'significant human resources', 'academic accomplishment'). However, there are several instances of imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing, such as 'bring them to succeed their goal' instead of 'help them achieve their goals' or 'advise any information' instead of 'provide information'. Aim to learn more natural collocations to make your writing sound more sophisticated and native-like. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the clarity of the message. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect use of possessives (e.g., 'children' instead of 'children's'), and sentence fragments (e.g., the sentence starting with 'For instance, if children have a strong determination...' is an incomplete conditional clause). Additionally, there are errors in preposition usage and article usage. To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures, particularly conditional sentences, and ensure that every sentence has a complete subject and predicate.

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Band 5+: Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools.s. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students.

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Overall Band Score

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