Opinion

Band 6+: Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

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There are many perspectives about content related to violence in entertainment. Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behavior. In this essay I will discuss these two perspectives and also my opinion on this topic.

Nowadays people are use to see a lot of violence in movies, series or games it is very big the variety of people that consume this kind of content at a point that it has been normalized, so that’s why it can have a negative effect in society because it gets to a point that people can see a fight in a movie and if the character of that movie gets away with it or with no consequences, the person that is seeing this can copy that and believe that they will have no consequences either same with video games.

Additionally there are people that believe that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behavior, and it is true there are a lot of people that choose to see scary, suspense, violence movies or games that will not think of doing something similar to what they are seeing, they are just enjoying it as entertainment.

In my opinion I believe that people should now if they think that it is good for themselves to see or play things that have violent content because I think that if you know that it is not something that is hurting you or putting ideas in your head and it is only for pleasure then that is found for me everyone can do what they want as long that it doesn’t harm others in society.

In conclusion there are many perspectives about this topic and I believe that with a good balance of seeing this content it can be harmful but it depends on each individual if they like to see this kind of content or not.

Word Count: 330

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

content: 5

believe: 5

there: 4

violence: 4

perspectives: 3

games: 3

these: 3

seeing: 3

think: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position that the impact of violent content depends on the individual. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The discussion of both perspectives is present but could be more fully explored with specific examples or reasoning. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and expand on how violence in media might or might not influence behavior, providing more detailed support. Additionally, work on clarity and precision in expression to strengthen the overall argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and run-on sentences. For example, the first body paragraph is a long, complex sentence that could be broken down for clarity. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences. To improve, focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph and using a range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'in contrast') to guide the reader. Also, ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and informal choices. For example, 'people are use to see' should be 'people are used to seeing', and 'it is very big the variety' is awkward. The phrase 'that is found for me' is unclear. To improve, expand your vocabulary with more precise and formal terms (e.g., 'normalized' is good, but consider 'desensitized' for a more sophisticated expression). Also, avoid informal phrases like 'so that's why' and 'gets to a point'. Use more varied and precise language to express your ideas. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, 'people are use to see' should be 'people are used to seeing', and 'it is very big the variety' is grammatically incorrect. There are also run-on sentences and missing commas. To improve, practice using a wider range of sentence structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, and ensure subject-verb agreement. Proofread your work to correct minor errors and improve punctuation. The overall meaning is clear, but accuracy needs to be enhanced.

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Band 6+: Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

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Nowadays, many people prefer to buy things online rather than in traditional shops. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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The best way to solve traffic and transportation problems is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs and the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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