Discussion

Band 6+: Some people think that controlling human evolution through technology is dangerous, while others say it is the key to survival. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent decades technology has changed a lot by affecting human evolution. Many people argue that controlling human evolution through technology is dangerous while others believe it is the key to survival for humans. I believe it is dangerous to control human evolution.

Some people believe human evolution is beneficial because it can cure diseases and it can also cure those who have natural disabilities. Many diseases don’t have a cure for example cancer and other numerous diseases. Additionally, currently the age of natural evolution may be over. The most talked about breakthrough is genetic engineering. CRISPR allows scientists to cut DNA as if it were computer code. Imagine a world where inherited diseases are eradicated, where parents can choose their child’s eye color, or even buy higher intelligence. In the future it has the potential to cure those diseases and that is why evolution is key to success. Without it, there is no future.

Other people believe that human evolution is dangerous, because it can cause numerous problems like racism between advanced people and normal people and another reason is that everything will be so easy, but people need to try something and people need to suffer naturally. For example, we talked about gene editing. Parents can choose their children how they will be and especially every parent wants their children smarter than other children, but the most bizarre headline is that, what if only rich people can afford those things and other ordinary people just stay in the same position. Like it is mentioned, it can cause problems like racism. What if advanced people always will be smarter and stronger, they control everything and other normal people work as workers. That is why I don’t agree with this view. Controlling human evolution is a vicious idea. It needs to be normal just it should be the way it is.

In conclusion, some people believe that human evolution is essential for survival. Because technology can help people to find a cure for diseases and who have natural disabilities, while others think that human evolution is dangerous because of racism and they think it should be the way it is. I believe that it is more harmful than good.

Word Count: 369

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 13

evolution: 9

human: 8

believe: 6

diseases: 6

dangerous: 4

because: 4

other: 4

technology: 3

those: 3

natural: 3

their: 3

racism: 3

normal: 3

children: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting both views and the writer's opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the support for some arguments could be more precise and developed. To improve, focus on providing more concrete examples and elaborating on the potential consequences of each viewpoint. Also, ensure a clearer distinction between the arguments for each side to avoid any overlap.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to discuss both sides of the argument. However, the organization could be improved. Transitions between ideas within paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, and the connection between sentences isn't always clear. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader. For example, in the second paragraph, adding phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition to this" could strengthen the flow. In the third paragraph, clarifying the link between gene editing and the potential for racism would enhance coherence. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could offer a stronger concluding statement to reinforce your opinion.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and sophistication. Some word choices are slightly awkward or imprecise (e.g., "numerous problems like racism between advanced people and normal people"). Try to use more specific and nuanced vocabulary to express your ideas. For example, instead of "advanced people," you could use terms like "genetically enhanced individuals." Focus on expanding your vocabulary related to technology, ethics, and societal impact. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present throughout. These errors sometimes impede understanding. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense usage. For example, "Parents can choose their children how they will be" could be rephrased as "Parents can choose what their children will be like." Review basic grammar rules and practice writing with a focus on accuracy. Proofreading carefully is essential.

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