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Band 7+: Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balance diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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In today’s fast-paced world, exercising is believed to be the most important thing to stay healthy, while other individuals contend that having a balanced diet is superior to exercising. This essay will discuss both of these views and argue in favor of the former.

On the one hand, the availability of a balanced diet helps the immune system stay healthy. To provide further explanation, with a balanced diet, the immune system develops and strengthens evenly, thereby making a person healthier and reducing the risk of becoming ill. Conversely, while exercising, a person may get injured, an accident that crosses off all benefits of exercises. For instance, Winston Churchill, who is known for his smoking habit, never played any sports and still managed to live until the age of 92.

On the other hand, exercise plays a huge role in the well-being of an individual. To make it clear, not only does the person build a strong and healthy body while doing physical activity, but he or she also becomes more resilient. To illustrate, footballers are known to be one of the healthiest people in the world due to the fact that they play and train outdoors throughout the year, despite weather conditions such as heavy rain or frosts.

In conclusion, while a balanced diet helps to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I believe that with proper physical activity, exercises can maintain both a healthy body and strong immune system.

Word Count: 238

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

healthy: 5

while: 4

balanced: 4

exercising: 3

immune: 3

system: 3

person: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the support for them could be more precise and developed. For example, the Churchill example doesn't strongly support the idea of a balanced diet being superior to exercise. To improve, focus on providing more direct and robust evidence to support your claims and ensure a clearer link between the examples and the arguments. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, and a conclusion. The use of cohesive devices like 'on the one hand,' 'conversely,' 'on the other hand,' and 'in conclusion' helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the connection between some sentences within paragraphs could be strengthened to improve the flow of ideas. For example, in the first body paragraph, elaborating further on how a balanced diet strengthens the immune system before introducing the counter-argument about exercise could enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using words and phrases like 'fast-paced world,' 'contend,' 'superior,' 'immune system,' 'resilient,' and 'well-being.' However, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to elevate the writing. Varying word choices and using more precise language could further enhance the lexical resource. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are only minor grammatical errors, indicating a solid understanding of English grammar rules. To further improve, focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity and impact. Reviewing and correcting any minor errors in punctuation and sentence construction will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy.

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