Discussion

Band 6+: Some people think that it is more important to spend time developing a successful career. Others believe that it is more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The majority of people say that having success in their career path is more essential than being with family and friends and making memories. While family and friends are an important part of a person’s life, personally I believe career has more beneficial sides.

One major reason why humans prioritise family is that they are the people who were always by our side and helped if needed. This fact is definite because without them humans will not be in this world. Moreover living and spending time with friends has a lot of advantages on mental health, for instance when humans face challenges they are always there and can uplift the mood. Subsequently, family and friends are not eternal and it’s very crucial to make most of them while they are alive.

On the other hand people mostly choose to stay in their comfort zone with family, friends and memories but in order to develop and realise oneself individuals have to go on. What I mean by this is that building a career is not an easy thing and sometimes it requires moving abroad, effort and resilience. Therefore in order to make money, have a stable salary and chase dreams human beings should change something and let old life go past them.

In conclusion, both of the views have their own beneficial sides and values. However I think that the second view is way more essential to have a better life.

Word Count: 240

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 5

friends: 5

people: 3

their: 3

career: 3

humans: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer's opinion, but the discussion of the family/friends view is somewhat general and could be more specific. The second paragraph attempts to discuss the career view but lacks clear examples or detailed support. The conclusion is brief and could be more developed. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide specific examples or evidence to support each point, and expand on the ideas to fully explore both perspectives. Additionally, avoid vague statements and aim for more precise language. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and paragraphing is appropriate. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the link between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the phrase 'This fact is definite' is a bit abrupt. Overall, the essay is easy to follow, but there is room for more sophisticated cohesive devices.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, such as 'prioritise', 'uplift the mood', 'resilience', and 'chase dreams'. However, there are some instances of informal or imprecise language, such as 'humans' used repeatedly and 'way more essential' which is colloquial. To improve, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary, and avoid repetition. Also, consider using more formal expressions to enhance the academic tone. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For example, 'making memories' is a bit informal, and 'let old life go past them' is awkward. Also, there are minor punctuation issues and some subject-verb agreement problems. To improve, focus on sentence structure variety and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout.

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