Opinion

Band 5+: Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. Dicsuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that learning about teamwork in people is supported by sport, but others argue competitiveness van be motivated by it. Some people think that sport pushes people into jealousy and fighting for the spotlight. However, believe sport has stronger impact on improving teamwork and relationship.

On one hand, sport encourages people to be competitive. In sport, people win and lose naturally. It leads to jealousy in people. This jealousy encourages people to be competitive which causes some to look at many ways to win so they are not left behind. Furthermore, people usually spots the greatest member of a sport team, it leads them to become popular and wider their career opportunites. Because of that, the other members may have the same ambition to be the spotlight and become more competitive to others.

On the other hand, I agree on how actually sport support teamwork and collaboration. Teamwork is supported by sport especially team sport. For example, football or basketball as a team sport require collaboration in order to win. This pushes a every team member to work together that achieve the same goal. Moreover, sports also encourage people to build a close-knit relationship between each member, as they may have spent plenty of time together preparing the tournaments.

In conclusion, although people think that sport motivate negative behaviouors, I believe that it helps people to boost relationships. It is because Collaboration in team sports strengthen positive bond between members in the group as the have the same goals the want to achieve.

Word Count: 255

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 12

sport: 11

teamwork: 4

believe: 3

jealousy: 3

competitive: 3

member: 3

collaboration: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which meets the basic requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The first body paragraph on competitiveness could be more fully explained, and the second body paragraph on teamwork would benefit from more specific examples or elaboration. Additionally, there are some language inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. To improve, focus on developing each point with more detailed support, ensuring logical flow between ideas, and refining grammar and vocabulary for precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'it' in the introduction). The main ideas are presented, but the connection between sentences could be smoother. Use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'in addition') to link ideas more effectively. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the conclusion summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'teamwork', 'competitive', 'collaboration', 'close-knit relationship'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices (e.g., 'van be motivated', 'spots the greatest member', 'wider their career opportunites'). To improve, use more precise and natural vocabulary, and pay attention to word forms (e.g., 'opportunities' instead of 'opportunites'). Also, avoid repetition and try to use synonyms to show lexical flexibility. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'Some people believe that learning about teamwork in people is supported by sport' is awkwardly phrased. There are also subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'a every team member'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'have spent' should be 'spend'), and missing articles. To improve, focus on sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of tenses. Proofread carefully to eliminate basic errors and ensure that each sentence is grammatically complete.

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