Opinion

Band 4+: The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The data provides the information about the proportion of people in the diffirent four Asian nations who were living in cities between 1970 and 2020, along with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Overall, it can be clearly seen that these was an increase in the population of citizens in city in all four country. Malaysia will have the highest number of people living in the city by 2040.

The percentage of dweller in Malaysia and Philippines had started at approximately 30% of their populations living in the cities in 1970. Followed, the percentage of people who living in Malaysia experienced a significant growth at roughly 60% in 2020. After that, the cities in Malaysia constantly climbed overtime, and it was anticipated that it will reach up to 80% by 2040. At the same time, the Philippine fluctuated between 35% and 45% of filipino were living in the cities, and it was forecasted to reach closely 50% in 2024.

In the meantime, the percentage of residents who live in Thailand illustrated a slightly rose about 20% of its population in 1979, compared to that of Indonesia 15%. Nevertheless, the population of City dweller in Indonesia increased more rapidly, reaching nearly half the total population by 2020, whereas Thailand’s percentage rose to only approximately 30%. The figure for Thailand and Indonesia are expected to be closely 50% and 60%, respectively.

Word Count: 228

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

living: 5

cities: 4

population: 4

malaysia: 4

percentage: 4

people: 3

indonesia: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a basic overview of the information presented in the graph, mentioning the trends in the percentage of urban population in four Asian countries over the years. However, there are some inaccuracies and missing details that could be included for a more comprehensive analysis. To improve, ensure to accurately report the data and make more detailed comparisons between the countries. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as there are issues with the flow of ideas and organization. The essay would benefit from a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs for each country and a smoother transition between the different time periods. Additionally, linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to improve the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Work on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey the information accurately. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and sentence structures to enhance lexical resource.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

While there is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, there are several grammatical errors present in the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage to improve grammatical accuracy. Proofreading the essay carefully can help in identifying and correcting these errors.

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