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Band 7+: The movement of people from agriculture areas to big cites has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?

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The migration of individuals from agriculture areas to major urban regions has caused a lot of issues at both places. From my perspective, there are some reasons behind this phenomenon, such as financial and social inequalities between these two places. However, these problems can be tackled by government intervention.

To begin with, there are several reasons why people move to big cities from agriculture areas. The first and foremost reason is the low salary of agriculture workers and a lack of workplaces in this section. Many people cannot find a job in their hometowns or even if they have, they have to work for a negligible amount of money because agriculture, which is the main job sector in these areas, is often underfunded. Therefore, more and more individuals are moving to major urban areas, seeking for better employment opportunities. Also, big cities offer better living standards, which make them attractive for people from underdeveloped regions. Thus, because of the financial and social drawbacks of agriculture areas, more and more people leaving their hometowns to improve their lives.

Despite some obvious reasons described above, this problem could be tackled by governments. Firstly, governments should invest more in agricultural sections in order to create new workplaces and increase the amount of money paid for workers. In addition, governments should carry out modernization and implement new technologies to increase productivity, because if this section will become more profitable, then the government will allocate this money on the development of these areas. As a result, living standards in these places will be enhanced and individuals would not have to relocate to cities.

To sum up, the movement of people from countryside areas to big cities has caused many problems on both areas. In my viewpoint, there are several financial and social factors, such as low living standards and employment issues, that cause this problem. Although governments can solve it by investing more in agricultural sectors and implementing new technologies to boost work productivity.

Word Count: 329

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

areas: 8

agriculture: 5

these: 5

people: 5

governments: 4

individuals: 3

places: 3

there: 3

reasons: 3

financial: 3

social: 3

cities: 3

their: 3

money: 3

because: 3

living: 3

standards: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt appropriately, discussing both reasons and solutions for rural-to-urban migration. A clear position is presented, and the main ideas are relevant. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and detailed. For example, the reasons are somewhat general, and the solutions could be elaborated with more specific examples or mechanisms. To improve, consider providing concrete illustrations of how government investment or technology implementation would work in practice, and ensure each paragraph fully extends its main point.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically presented, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'To begin with', 'Also', 'Despite', 'As a result') helps the reader follow the argument. However, there are minor lapses in cohesion, such as the phrase 'at both places' being slightly awkward, and the conclusion could be more concise. Overall, the paragraphing is managed well, but a few transitions could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms like 'migration', 'underfunded', 'living standards', and 'modernization'. There is some repetition (e.g., 'agriculture areas' and 'big cities' are used multiple times), and a few collocations are slightly off (e.g., 'agricultural sections' instead of 'agricultural sector'). The language is generally natural and clear, but more sophisticated and varied vocabulary would enhance the response. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and demonstrates good control of grammar. There are a few minor errors, such as 'more and more people leaving' (should be 'are leaving') and 'if this section will become' (should be 'if this section becomes'). Punctuation is generally accurate. The errors do not impede understanding, but they are noticeable and could be refined for a higher score.

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