Opinion

Band 5+: In many countries, traditional art forms are losing popularity as younger generations embrace digital art and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree that governments should provide financial support to preserve traditional art forms? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In multiple regions, traditional arts including theatre, opera and traditional music has been decreasing rapidly due to the increasing trend in modern arts. Children, especially at their early ages, rarely have knowledge about these these days. In my essay, I will explain the major reasons behind this problem as well as the measures to deal with it.

Firstly, one reason is the social media and its addictive features. Children these days tend to spend a lot of time posting videos and scrolling like crazy. They don’t really feel traditional art as important as their YouTube videos. Records shows that most of the youths spends more than 14 hours daily on their devices, which leaves them no time to spend on miscellaneous activities. Furthermore, modern songs and dances have been replacing traditional ones, especially in youth’s group. Modern arts are created in a way to stimulate the feelings of people; in fact, it is manipulating them whereas they find cultural songs very boring. There is a wide variety of modern art and offers greater options.

Possible solution to the problem may be for institutions to include traditional arts in their curriculum. In this way, it helps the children to be aware of its importance from their early age. Eventually, they will start to learn about cultures and beliefs. For example, teaching classica guiter in classroom might be a great way to promote traditional arts among students. Another solution might be allocating fund to organise free art exhibitions or concerts emphasizing tradition and culture. People might find free entry attractive and attend the event. This will not only help the children to enjoy but also divee deeper into the roots of traditions. For instance, singing African tribe songs in local gathering can be a unique way to promote their habitat.

To sum up, social media and modern arts is a widespread nowadays which poses threat to the traditional arts, but including traditional arts in curriculum and organizing free events might be an effective in dealing with the issue.

Word Count: 336

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

traditional: 8

their: 6

modern: 5

children: 4

might: 4

these: 3

songs: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the topic of declining traditional arts and proposes solutions, but it does not directly answer the specific question about whether governments should provide financial support. The position on government funding is not clearly stated or developed. The main ideas are relevant but limited in development, with some repetition and lack of precision. To improve, clearly state your agreement or disagreement with government financial support, and provide well-developed reasons and examples specifically related to that stance. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with specific evidence or examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear linking between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing the problem to proposing solutions could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise. To improve, use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'consequently') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic with supporting details that logically connect.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'scrolling like crazy', 'divee deeper', 'widespread nowadays'). Some terms are informal or imprecise for an academic essay. To improve, aim for more precise and formal vocabulary, and avoid colloquial expressions. Also, ensure correct word forms (e.g., 'classical guitar' instead of 'classica guiter') and use synonyms to avoid repetition. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('traditional arts ... has been decreasing'), incorrect verb forms ('spends' instead of 'spend'), and missing articles. There are also punctuation issues and some run-on sentences. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Practice writing more complex sentence structures with accurate punctuation to enhance clarity and precision.

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