Opinion

Band 6+: The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many individuals consider mobile phones unnecessary objects in some areas like libraries, shops, and public transport, and that people should not be allowed to bring them there. I completely disagree with this statement that mobile phones should be banned, as they provide some benefits for people to live in peace.

On the one hand, it is true that mobile phones are objects that can easily cause distractions in places where you need to focus on studying, for example, in libraries. Libraries involve people who should study hard and people who love reading books. When a person needs to read a book, they do not have to utilize gadgets. Moreover, nowadays technology is being developed, and many places are provided with a range of modern instruments. Which is why you do not need any electronic media in these types of places; they only serve to confuse you.

However, it does not mean that mobile phones should not be allowed in places like restaurants, cafes, shops, and public transport. Although you do not need a mobile phone while you are eating, shopping, or commuting to work, that is not a reason for banning mobile phones. Young people should be able to make contact with their parents at all times; not only children but also adults face different troubles every day, and they need mobile phones in these situations. To conclude, from my perspective, mobile phones should not be banned in these places because of our need for them.

In conclusion, while mobile phones can distract people from focusing on their studying, they should be allowed in other places like public transport, shops, and so on.

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

mobile: 9

phones: 8

should: 7

people: 6

places: 5

libraries: 3

shops: 3

public: 3

transport: 3

allowed: 3

these: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a position, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The arguments are somewhat simplistic and could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis. To improve, focus on providing more concrete evidence and exploring the nuances of the issue. Consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly to strengthen your position.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the connection between ideas could be strengthened in some instances. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating further on how modern instruments in libraries negate the need for mobile phones would improve coherence. Transition words are present but could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, and the word choices are generally appropriate. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication of the language used. Consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas with greater nuance. For instance, instead of 'live in peace,' you could explore alternatives that more accurately reflect the intended meaning. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a strong command of grammar with very few errors. The sentence structures are varied and generally well-controlled. To further enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate, but ensure clarity is maintained.

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