Opinion

Band 4+: The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that using mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking which was banned in some country. Half of people agree that the mobile phone should be banned like smoking. I strongly disagree with this opinion because there have advantages such as connection with world and fastly information from online platform.

Firstly, connection with world can help to society to improve their knowledge. Young people often try to find data about world which will be easy with internet. For example, online platform such Wikipedia, Google, Youtube, and Yandex contain a lot of information which can support world connection with sending message or publish news in their program. If people are allowed to use phone legaly, they may be more connection in our planet.

Secondly, fastly information also can improve our knowledge and thinking. The online platform publish their information fastly which can be easier to find than books. For instance, you need details about something and with using mobile phone you can find it fast with online platform. The programs such as Tiktok, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter publish their post daily and having fallen knowledge tha amount of young people we can solve it. The social media is important because there have a lot of data about everything.

In conlusion, the both agruments demonstrate that the using mobile phone is essential to society and it is should not banned. The result of banning can be the decrease our knowledge and connection with world. Moreover, the mobile phone is also necassary for everyone.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

phone: 6

people: 5

mobile: 5

connection: 5

world: 5

which: 4

information: 4

online: 4

their: 4

knowledge: 4

using: 3

banned: 3

fastly: 3

about: 3

platform: 3

publish: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. The main ideas are relevant but lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on how mobile phones connect people and provide fast information. Also, ensure that your arguments are clearly linked back to the central question of whether mobile phones should be banned like smoking.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat discernible, but the progression of ideas is often unclear. Paragraphing is attempted, but the connection between sentences within paragraphs and between paragraphs themselves needs significant improvement. The introduction and conclusion are present but lack sophistication and clarity. To improve coherence, focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that all subsequent sentences directly support that topic. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas more smoothly. Consider outlining your essay before writing to ensure a logical flow of arguments.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of simple words and phrases. There are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and usage, which sometimes impede understanding. To enhance your lexical resource, actively learn new vocabulary related to common essay topics and practice using them in context. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms, but always check their meaning and usage to avoid errors. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and improper use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often simple and repetitive, limiting the overall impact of the writing. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review and correct your essays carefully, paying attention to common errors. Consider using online grammar checkers or seeking feedback from a teacher or tutor.

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Band 4+: The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phones in public areas is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some say schools should focus on academic subjects, while others believe they should also teach life skills. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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