Band 4+: The use of technology makes people less social. Do you agree or disagree

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (agreeing that technology makes people less social). However, the development of ideas is limited, and the response lacks the depth required for higher bands. While the main points - such as the preference for digital communication over face-to-face interaction and the tendency to stay indoors - are relevant, they are not sufficiently extended with detailed explanations or specific examples. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Idea Development**: Instead of just stating that people use smartphones, explain *how* this specific behavior erodes social skills or community cohesion. Use the 'PEEL' method (Point, Evidence, Explanation, Link) to ensure every paragraph has depth. 2. **Clarity and Cohesion**: Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'To comments with', 'Foreign tense', 'I Sant wrongly agree'). Work on using standard transitional phrases and ensuring your sentence structures are grammatically sound to prevent the reader from losing the thread of your argument. 3. **Vocabulary and Accuracy**: Avoid repetitive phrasing and ensure that your word choices are precise. For example, instead of 'order online things', use 'engage in online shopping'. 4. **Addressing the 'Reservations'**: In your introduction, you mentioned having 'reservations' (implying a counter-argument or a nuanced view), but you did not actually present a counter-argument in the body paragraphs. If you mention reservations, you must explore them to maintain a consistent position. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Cohesive devices like 'To comments with' and 'Foreign tense' (likely intended to be 'Furthermore') are used incorrectly, which confuses the reader. To improve, focus on using standard transition signals (e.g., 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'Consequently') and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single central topic that is developed logically.

The vocabulary is quite limited and often used incorrectly, which obscures the intended meaning. There are several instances of word choice errors, such as 'foxing' instead of 'focusing', 'Sant wrongly' instead of 'strongly', and 'accessive' instead of 'excessive'. To improve, work on building a wider range of academic vocabulary and practice using collocations (words that naturally go together) to ensure your meaning is conveyed clearly and naturally.

Grammatical errors are frequent and occur in almost every sentence. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'interaction have decrease'), sentence structure (e.g., 'the prominent one is that why technology...'), and word forms (e.g., 'decrease considerablely'). These errors make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. I recommend focusing on fundamental sentence structures, mastering basic verb tenses, and practicing the use of articles and prepositions to improve overall accuracy.