Opinion

Band 6+: To what extent do you agree or disagree that developments in technology make crime easier to detect and prevent?

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Since technological developments create easier ways to detect and prevent from committing crimes, many people believe that the number of criminals will decrease. I absolutely agree with this opinion because technology creates more obstacles for lawbreakers to break the laws and improves the cybersecurity, making it difficult for hackers to commit crimes.

One reason for that opinion is that technological advancements, such as increasing the number of cameras, prevent criminals from doing bad things, which include stealing money and injuring someone. When criminals are aiming to hurt some individuals, they first look around, ensuring that there are no cameras. For this reason, if more cameras are implemented in such places, it will be really difficult for lawbreakers to commit crimes because they know that such technologies can easily detect them. For example, the number of criminals in USA regions, especially in New York , is significantly less noticed than in other countries’ areas because a lot of cameras are implemented there. Hence, the reason why advances in technology prevent crimes is the unwillingness of lawbreakers to commit crimes.

Another reason for that belief is inabilities of hackers to steal money from government budgets due to cybersecurity improvements. When hackers are trying to break the law by stealing money from savings, they cannot get access to data. Accordingly, if cybersecurity adjustments are well implemented, then it will be hard to steal someone’s money because it is not possible for them to steal finances without getting the access to data. For instance, France is the country with the best cybersecurity advancements, so because of it this country has a limited number of crimes committed by hackers. Therefore, the another reason why technology improvements really help with reducing crimes is the inaccessibility of data to hackers in order to break open.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that technological advancements can make easier approaches to restrain criminal situations. This is because advancements in technology such as increasing cameras and cybersecurity effectiveness can surely make lawbreakers to think about their actions before doing them, leading to fewer crimes.

Word Count: 343

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crimes: 6

because: 6

cybersecurity: 5

hackers: 5

reason: 5

cameras: 5

number: 4

criminals: 4

technology: 4

lawbreakers: 4

advancements: 4

money: 4

technological: 3

prevent: 3

break: 3

commit: 3

implemented: 3

steal: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear, consistent position throughout. The ideas are relevant, focusing on physical surveillance (cameras) and digital security (cybersecurity). However, the development of these ideas could be more sophisticated. For instance, the argument regarding cameras relies heavily on the 'deterrence' factor, which is well-explained, but the connection between camera density and lower crime rates in New York is a bit generalized and lacks specific evidence to make it a truly convincing academic argument. To improve, try to avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., 'the reason why... is...') and aim for more varied sentence structures. Additionally, while the position is clear, the essay would benefit from acknowledging the counter-argument - such as how technology can also be used by criminals to commit more sophisticated crimes (e.g., AI-driven scams) - to demonstrate a more nuanced and well-rounded exploration of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You have used cohesive devices such as 'One reason for that', 'Another reason', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel a bit repetitive or mechanical. To improve, try to use more sophisticated linking phrases and ensure that the connection between sentences flows more naturally. Some phrasing, such as 'the another reason', is grammatically incorrect and disrupts the flow.

Lexical Resource

You have used a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, such as 'lawbreakers', 'cybersecurity', and 'technological advancements'. However, there is some repetition of words like 'crimes', 'criminals', and 'steal'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more varied synonyms and collocations. For example, instead of 'doing bad things', you could use 'engaging in illicit activities' or 'committing offenses'. Additionally, some word choices are slightly awkward, such as 'break open' in the context of data. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent errors that, while they do not prevent understanding, do affect the overall quality. Common issues include preposition usage (e.g., 'prevent from committing' should be 'prevent the commission of'), article usage, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'make lawbreakers to think'). Focus on mastering subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives and gerunds to improve your accuracy.

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