Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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It is widely believed that Even though the vast majority of young individuals have increasingly become wealthier, healthier and live longer, they cannot feel a sense of happiness. There are several factors behind it and several practical solutions to solve this issue.

One of the primary cause is constant comparison with their peers. Needless to say, these days most of the young people tend to document their luxurious life which have a detrimental effect on other people. For example, if they traveled abroad, or obtain a high band score from IELTS, they upload thousands of videos and photos instantly. By acknowledging their achievements, they genuinely proud of themselves, as their relentless efforts paid off. As a consequence, young people develop a fear of missing out although they have everything they need. Another possible reason is that, a lot of young people think that they have to be perfectionist. Take students for example who are willing to work hard towards bright future. Gaining admission to second to none international university and always be at the top play a vital role in their life. However, they fail to realize that these are not main keys to bring happiness into their life. It is worth noting that, some fat-cat individuals feel superior to others because of their wealth. With this perception they find nothing but loneliness.

There are potential solutions helping them to be satisfied with their life. First of all, young people should compare themselves with their past themselves instead of with others. Only by doing so, can they lead a fulfilling life. Second of all, they should take action to find something meaningful in their life or buying something that bring more happiness into their daily life. At the end of the day, they should write three things that they have been pleased with them. It allows them to feel grounded and feel happiness. If they do this consistently, they will definitely fully satisfied with their life.

In conclusion, most of the young individuals struggle to be happy with their life despite being richer, healthier. they can become happy by focusing more on their own life instead of others.

Word Count: 358

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 14

young: 6

people: 5

happiness: 4

individuals: 3

themselves: 3

others: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (social comparison and perfectionism) and suggesting solutions (self-reflection and finding meaning). A position is present throughout the response. However, the development of ideas is somewhat inconsistent. While the causes are explored, the connection between 'wealth/health' and 'unhappiness' could be more explicitly linked to the specific prompt. Some ideas, such as 'buying something that brings more happiness,' actually contradict the premise that these individuals are already richer and yet unhappy. To improve, ensure that every solution directly addresses the causes mentioned. For instance, if the cause is social media comparison, the solution should focus on digital detox or mindful consumption. Additionally, aim for more precise development of ideas; avoid general statements and instead explain *how* or *why* a specific action leads to the desired outcome. Strengthening the logical cohesion between the wealth/health context and the psychological state of the youth would also elevate the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used, but they occasionally feel repetitive or slightly mechanical. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next to create a more seamless argument.

Lexical Resource

You have used some good collocations and phrases, such as 'detrimental effect,' 'relentless efforts,' and 'fear of missing out.' However, there are instances of imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'fat-cat individuals' is somewhat informal for an academic essay, and 'past themselves' is unidiomatic). Aim to use more precise academic vocabulary and ensure that idiomatic expressions are used in the correct context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the clarity of your message. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'One of the primary cause'), missing verbs (e.g., 'they genuinely proud'), and incorrect preposition usage or sentence structures (e.g., 'they will definitely fully satisfied'). While you attempt complex structures like inversion ('Only by doing so, can they...'), errors in basic grammar persist. Focus on mastering subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the use of adjectives/adverbs to improve accuracy.

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Band 5+: Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Topic: In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. Question: What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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