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Band 5+: Training 65-year-olds to use computers would be a good way to use government money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is advised that government authority should provide some funding towards creating special programs on fundamentals of computer science. I totally agree with this idea, and will explain the reasons further in the essay.

To begin with, providing some external funding for teaching the fundamentals of computer technology is really crucial these days as Artificial Intelligence technology has advanced these days. Thus it has created many complex concepts which require some special courses even if online by AI Teachers. Hardware technologies, for instance, has became multi-functional, meaning a lot of functions has been added, and elderly people who usually use the gadgets of their time struggle with understanding these concepts leaving them unable to operate some commands. Therefore, providing educational courses for each districts would be a viable solution towards the challenges faced by elderly.

Another logical reason for providing funding towards the education of the digital technology training, is that it would assist many older generation to avoid some online hacking frauds. Due to the lack of the computer knowledge of the older generation, modern hackers easily get into their computer accounts and hack everything by stealing personal information and the online budget it has. Therefore providing such courses is crucial to minimize the statistics of the online hacking.

One more advantage that it brings is that it may give some career opportunity to elderly people especially when they are struggling financially. Provided that old people complete the full training, they may qualify to some junior positions in some AI companies, so that they can make some money if the government money is not enough following their retirement. Meta, for example, actively seeks for junior roles from older people to have some experienced agent. Consequently old people may benefit from finding a job opportunity they may prefer.

In conclusion, giving external contribution in terms of financially towards education of old generation should be treated as main priority. So that, government authorities may receive lots of positive outcome from the funding they provided

Word Count: 333

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

funding: 4

towards: 4

computer: 4

providing: 4

online: 4

government: 3

technology: 3

these: 3

courses: 3

their: 3

older: 3

generation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but there are some lapses in focus and precision. For instance, the first paragraph introduces AI and hardware complexities, which is somewhat tangential to the core issue of computer training for the elderly. The second paragraph on hacking is more directly relevant, and the third on career opportunities is a valid point but could be more clearly linked to the training. To improve, ensure each paragraph directly ties back to the benefits of computer training for the elderly, and refine the language for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more explicitly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references. For example, 'it' in the second paragraph is ambiguous. The use of cohesive devices is basic, and some transitions are abrupt. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected with appropriate linking words.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and training, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and repetition. For example, 'funding' is used repeatedly, and phrases like 'external contribution in terms of financially' are awkward. To improve, use more varied and precise vocabulary, and avoid informal or colloquial expressions. Also, ensure that terms are used accurately in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, 'has became' should be 'has become', 'a lot of functions has been added' should be 'a lot of functions have been added', and 'the online budget it has' is unclear. Additionally, there are run-on sentences and missing commas. To improve, review subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure. Practice writing more complex sentences with accurate grammar.

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Band 5+: Training 65-year-olds to use computers would be a good way to use government money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Task Response

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